I Really Need To Know
by HughSoSexy
Summary: "I need to know if we're ok, Gill." Set after Double Blind. Read on to see what Gillian has to say, what Cal does, and their journey through the holidays. Total Callian fest. Updated rating for the last chapter.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: To those of you who are still waiting on my other fics that are "in-process", don't give up on me! I've just had several things floating around in my brain that I've had to get out. Fear not - I will be returning to those shortly! That being said, this is set after 'Double Blind'.

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His words kept playing over in her mind as she put on her pajamas:

"You tell me we're ok. You know I've always had more trouble reading you than anyone else."

She kept thinking about how lost he'd looked. He seemed afraid that maybe this time he'd pushed her too far, and maybe he'd lost her for good. There was sincerity on his face, but also a grave amount of desperation and worry. He seemed broken.

She walked toward her bathroom as a mixture of his words and his face kept flashing in her mind. As she reached for her toothbrush and toothpaste, she heard a knock at the door. Still being swept up in her thoughts, she took them with her as she walked down the hall.

When she opened the door she was met with the same face that walked away from her earlier that evening. The same lost, worried, desperate face. So broken and so serious…

When she opened the door, Cal noticed that she was not only standing at the door in her pajamas, but also that she had her toothbrush in one hand and her toothpaste in the other. Understanding that he must have caught her as she was getting ready for bed, he decided to cut right to the chase.

"I really need to know," was all he said, direct and to the point.

"Need to know what?" Gillian responded, hoping he wasn't asking the same question from earlier.

"If we're ok. I need to know if we're ok, Gill," he said while shoving his hands in his pockets and cementing his feet to the ground.

"Cal…" she started. She paused searching for words and not knowing what to tell him. Where should she begin? How far back should she go?

"Cal, some of the things you've done lately…" she looked up, searching for her words and hoping they'd appear in the night sky. Bringing her eyes back down to him, she said, "I just don't know what's going on with us. You tell me I was beautiful at that party, but only as a deflection; and you say things like you want me, but only to get ahead in a conversation." Gesturing somewhat angrily toward him with her toothbrush, she added, "And then you tell me if I mess with your finances, which by the way, are also my finances, that we're finished." She paused to let everything sink in, seeing that his face was exactly the same as when she started, and then began gesturing with her toothpaste.

"Really, Cal? You'd throw away everything we have, our whole friendship – all the years we've known each other and everything we've been through – because I was trying to protect _our_ company? And then you ask me to lie for you. And don't even try to tell me that I lied for you with the whole Jimmy Doyle business, because that was completely different. I lied then to save your life, the life of your family. What you asked me to do was compromise my integrity for a woman that I don't even like, Cal. So are we ok?"

She paused, put her arms down at her sides, and slightly shook her head. She could see defeat growing in his eyes, despite his valiant effort to hide it. She looked down to the ground, and then finally back up into his waiting eyes.

"I don't know."

She was sure she heard his heart break.

"In this moment, I don't know how we are. I know we have a strong relationship, and I think we can see our way out of this mess. But in this moment, I really don't know."

She saw a glimmer of hope in his eyes at her last words, and once again she became aware of the fact that she had her toothbrush and toothpaste in hand.

Raising her hands so they were at eye level she asked, "Now can I brush my teeth?"

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If there's any interest, I may add more to this later too. Leave me some love on the way out!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: A special thanks to Dr. Callian who confirmed my suspicions from the first chapter - there wasn't nearly enough detail or info on Cal. I think you'll find this 2nd chapter to be quite Cal-centric. : )

R&R!

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Leaving Gillian so she could finish getting ready for bed, Cal began walking back to his car. His feet felt like lead, and he had to consciously tell his feet to keep moving. His arms hung at his sides like cinder blocks were tied to them. There was no swagger, no spring in his step like there usually was. And he let her words sink in.

_I don't know…_

He wrapped his fingers around the cold handle, opened the door, and got in.

_The things you've done lately… _

He felt the warm metal of his keys in his hand and he fumbled to find the right one. After focusing on it, he put the key in the ignition.

_You'd throw away everything we have…_

His head fell against the headrest, and it didn't feel as plush as it normally did.

_I really don't know._

He exhaled loudly and starred at the roof of his car. Half of him wanted to drive to the nearest bar and get wasted beyond what he'd ever been wasted before. The other half of him couldn't find it in himself to start the car.

"You've really fucked this one up, Cal," he said aloud to himself.

He closed his eyes tightly and let his chin fall to his chest. Running his hands over his face, he pulled his head back up so he was looking forward. He felt drained, like the life-force had been sucked out of him and like he couldn't move if he wanted to. And then his mind started spinning.

_How did I get here? How did we get here? When did this all start to fall apart? Has it been falling apart right in front of me and I just didn't notice? That's possible. I am a bastard like that. I certainly wouldn't challenge my pride when it comes to her. Can't admit I'm wrong. And she is definitely my blind spot. I can't see half of what I want to with her._

Cal looked out his side window to see the dim glow of the street lights on the pavement. He squinted his eyes a bit and then threw his head back in the seat again, feeling physically ill. He drew in a quick breath and held it, hoping the queasiness would subside. He slowly blew out the breath.

_God, I can't loose her. She's the only one who'll put up with me. No one else could even stand me, let alone work with me._

He looked back toward her house with a pained look on his face, brow furrowed, jaw clenched. He noticed the light in living room was still on. He leaned forward again, really feeling like he needed to throw up.

_Everything will fall apart. My business will go down in flames. _Our_ business will go down in flames. There's no way I can hold it all together without her. Who'd tell me when I'm really about to fuck something up, professionally or personally?_

Feeling a surge of anger at himself, he clenched his fists and hit the steering wheel with every bit of strength he had in him. He let out a quick breath, gripped the steering wheel with white knuckles, and looked back at her house.

"I need her."

Just as he was about to start the car, there was a knock on the window that made him jumped slightly in his seat. He looked over to see Gillian peering through the window. He unlocked the door, and she climbed in.

She bit her bottom lip, then turned her head toward him and asked, "Are you going to sit out here all night?"

Wondering if she'd heard what he said or witnessed him slamming his fists into the steering wheel, Cal just looked straight ahead.

"I was just about to leave. Had trouble finding my keys."

She knew that was a lie, and she could see he was clearly upset; but she wasn't emotionally in a place where should could fix that for him. Not right now. So she responded, "Ok. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah," he said under his breath as she got back out of the car.

As soon as she closed the door, he calmly started the car and drove away, leaving Gillian standing on the sidewalk with her arms crossed and more worried than she was when he first left.

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I have most of Chapter 3 written already. Just a little fine tuning here and there, so that should be up in a couple days. Hope you enjoyed!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Everyone should go listen to 'Little Lion Man' by Mumford and Sons. HPsaucy73 pointed out that it fits what Cal was thinking in the previous chapter. I think it fits to the 'T'. So have a listen, but be warned - you may be singing it for the rest of the day! Now, enough of my rambling. Let's get down to business...

R&R! And enjoy the length of this chapter!

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As Gillian walked into work the next morning, she was anxious to see what the day would hold and worried about how Cal was going to act toward her. She grabbed the handle to the front door, took in a deep breath, slowly let it out, and walked in as she straightened her posture and feigned confidence.

As she rounded the corner to her office, she saw Loker walking toward her.

"Good morning," she said cheerfully.

"More like sour morning," he half-mumbled.

Pursing her lips, she raised her eyebrows and simply looked at him while waiting for an explanation.

"Lightman's on a rampage this morning. I've been here 5 minutes and I've already done 15 things wrong!"

"I see. Well I'm just going to go in here then," she said with a smile, pointing toward her office. "Good luck, Loker."

"Gee thanks," he said, allowing the sarcasm to drip off his words. Then he quickly added, "Crap. Gotta go," and he was half way down the hall before she could say anything else.

Looking behind her, she saw Cal approaching and looking as though he was in a very foul mood. She drew in a short breath and opened her door while waiting for him to walk by.

A forced, "Mornin'," was all the acknowledgement she received.

She looked up to her left to see his back as he passed by, and she murmured a, "Good morning," back to him.

Walking in her office she quickly turned around and closed the door, laying her hands flat against it as if to make sure it wasn't going to open again under its own power. Looking up toward the ceiling she found herself feeling thankful to have an office to herself, unlike the less fortunate Loker. He was probably going to have a bad day. Maybe even a bad week… She sat down to her work and tried to focus on something other than the tension that was radiating from every corner of the building.

Several hours later, she received a call that she was needed in the lab to look at some videos. Loker and Torres were in the lab when she entered. Cal was shortly behind her with a scowl on his face, and it didn't escape her that he stood on the other side of the room. She found herself feeling slightly upset that he had hardly acknowledged her this morning, and now it seemed he was doing his best to stand as far away from her as possible. _This is certainly no way to fix our relationship…_

He walked along the wall as he entered with his head hung low and his jaw slack, as if he wanted to be anywhere but where he currently was. All he could think about was how he needed some distance from Gillian in order to clear his head. Being around her caused his head to swim with questions, and how could he fix anything if his mind was just swimming all the time? He looked up at her in time to catch her eyes just before she looked back at the screen. It was clear she was hurt. He was avoiding her, and she knew it.

"Go back a little bit. Further…further…Stop. Right there," Torres said. "That's guilt!"

Walking a few steps forward which drew Cal's eyes to her legs, Gillian tilted her head to the side and looked at the screen. "Maybe. Roll it back Loker so we can look at the whole thing again."

Cal was completely focused on Gillian at this point, and he sunk further into his observing posture: leaning against the wall with one shoulder and his head tipped way to the side. He didn't hear anything that was going on in the room. He just soaked her in. She was poised, sure of herself. She stood tall, like she often did, and her heels gave her a certain presence that he couldn't put his finger on. Maybe it was an air of pure confidence. That dress gave her a certain presence too… A small smile played at the corner of his lips, and he pushed off the wall. He walked toward her and stopped one step behind her, just out of sight and a few steps away. He desperately wanted to get closer her, but they were in exactly the same place as last night; and that wasn't a good place. No, getting much closer would make it seem as if he'd paid no attention to what she said the night before. So he stood still in his new spot, hands deep in his jeans' pockets.

After watching the video play again Gillian said, "No, that's fear. What do you think, Cal?" Just because he was going to ignore her did not mean she was going to ignore him, easy as that may or may not be.

She looked over her shoulder to find Cal much closer than he'd been all day, and she turned her body to face him. He was entirely focused on her with an incredibly intense gaze. It was like he had tunnel-vision and he was unaware of anything or anyone else in the room.

"Definitely fear," he said in a low voice without breaking eye contact.

Maintaining their look and taking a small step forward, she quietly asked, "Are you talking about the video?"

"Yeah," he said much louder while looking at Torres. "Definitely fear. The only way he's involved in this is if he's been blackmailed. Move on, Torres."

Without looking at Gillian again, Cal turned and walked quickly out of the lab.

"What was that about?" Torres asked with her brow tightly knit.

First looking at the door and then directly at Torres, Gillian responded while casually throwing her arms out, "Your guess is as good as mine."

She gave Torres and Loker a smile and walked out of the lab after Cal. Looking down the hallway she spotted him rounding the corner to his office. She walked after him and stopped in his doorway.

"Were you paying any attention to the video?" she inquired with her arms crossed.

He slouched in his chair, put his chin in his hand and casually said, "No, not really."

She let her hands fall to her sides and drew her shoulders back at his response and asked, "So what fear were you talking about?"

At her question, Cal dropped his hand from his face. He wanted her to have a good view for this. He sat stone-still and his face lost the casual demeanor it previously held.

She tilted her head to the side at his lack of response and her eyes began searching his face. He was as serious as serious gets, and she read one thing and one thing only:

_Mine._

She pulled her head back to center and drew it back a bit upon realizing what she saw. She nodded while glancing at the floor and half-whispering an, "Ok."

She looked back up at him for a moment, then slowly left his office. Her heels seemed significantly louder than usual as she walked down the hall. It felt like anyone who cared to could locate her simply by the click of each step. She was thankful to be able to sit down and pull her feet off the floor once she reached her office.

As soon as she left, Cal let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding and noticed he could hear his heartbeat in his ears. He glanced at the clock to see it was lunchtime, and opted to take a trip home. Nothing appealed to him about staying in the office at the moment. He sighed, scrunched up his faced, and rubbed his temples.

_This is going to be harder than I thought…_

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I have most of what I thought was going to be Chapter 4 done already, but now I'm not sure. It feels like maybe I'm fixing it too soon, and I use the word 'fixing' loosely... We'll see what the muse brings.


	4. Chapter 4

Only 1 review for the last chapter! Where did everyone go?

Anyhow, Dr. Callian - here's chapter 4, just for you. lol!

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When Cal walked in his house for lunch, he headed straight for the cupboards and started rummaging around for a suitable afternoon meal. When he got to the 4th cupboard with no previous success, he found it. The perfect…well…certainly it's not a meal. But it _is_ the perfect afternoon snack – for her.

_How'd this even get in my house?_ He wondered as he picked the little cup off its shelf. _I don't eat this crap, and I don't think Em does… No matter – you're coming with me!_

He found a brown paper bag and shoved the cup in while reaching for a spoon, because certainly Gillian was the type of person who would always appreciate real silverware over the plastic kind they had at the office. He took a second look at the spoon and hesitated before putting it in the bag, not being sure he wanted to let part of his silverware out of the house. Hoping it would add to the sentiment, he put it in the bag and quickly grabbed himself something from the fridge. He hopped in his car and hoped he'd get back to the office while Gillian was off doing something for lunch that did not involve her office.

Once he was back at work, Torres informed him that Gillian was in the cube interviewing a suspect. He headed for her office with his brown paper bag and looked behind him one last time before entering.

He briefly looked at her desk, noting how organized and clutter-free it was. He then opened his bag, looked inside, and smiled to himself. He pulled out the cup, pulled back the top, and put the spoon in.

With his small plan in place, he wadded up the brown paper bag, hid it in his fist, and walked toward the lab.

As he sat down to watch the rest of the interview, he threw the bag in the nearest trash can which earned a raised eyebrow from Loker.

"Never mind," Cal shot at him, and he went back to focusing on the cube just in time to see both the suspect and Gillian standing up.

"Thank you for coming in, Mr. Brenner. We'll be in touch." She shook the man's hand and nodded at him.

_Ever the professional_, Cal noted as he shot up out of his chair and left the lab. He quickly tucked himself just inside another doorway so he could peek around the corner and see where Gillian headed. As luck would have it for him, she was headed back to her office. And he suddenly felt nervous.

_Maybe this was a stupid idea._

He looked to his right.

_It's really insignificant…_

He looked to his left into the room he was standing in.

_Well, I guess there's nothing I can do about it now._

He looked at the floor, counted to 10, and headed toward her office. He stopped just short of it and nervously craned his neck to peer around the corner so he could see her. She was sitting in her chair, and she was just starring at it. She had her hands in her lap, no smile on her face, and she was just _starring_ at it.

He licked his lips and walked in her office as casually as possible, with his hands hanging at his sides. When she looked up at him, she only tipped her head to the side. Cal leaned forward, as if to see what was on her desk, and raised his eyebrows while looking at it. Noting that he wasn't looking at her and he was acting a little off, Gillian pursed her lips to fight off a smile as she realized he was responsible for what she was looking at. He opened his mouth as if to say something, swallowed, then inhaled deeply. Finally, he looked up at her without a word. Clasping her hands together in front of her and laying her forearms flat on the desk so she was leaned forward, she finally chose to speak, clearly and carefully with her eyes slightly squinted.

"You do know pudding isn't going to fix this. Right?" She was trying desperately to fight off her amusement. The mere thought of Cal thinking a cup of pudding was going to fix this could almost make her laugh so hard it would bring her to tears. He would need truckloads of pudding.

He had one eyebrow raised and a look on his face that told her he thought this was a good plan – at least he thought so at one point. "Course. But I hoped it might help a little," he responded while gesturing at her with both hands. He then gave her a look as if to say, 'Why not, right? It was worth a shot – right?' coupled with a shrug. "It is chocolate," he added.

Trying desperately to stifle her grin, she bit the inside of her cheek then said, "Well, it does help. But only a little." She then added with a shake of her head as she leaned back into her chair, "It almost doesn't help at all. But it _is_ chocolate. So I guess you get a half a point for that." She shrugged one shoulder with her last statement.

Looking up thoughtfully, Cal licked his lips again. He took half a step toward her desk and with one hand out toward her in gesture he asked, "How many points do I have to go?"

Closing her eyes she said, "You don't want to know."

He let his hand fall to his thigh with a light tap, and gave her a small nod. "Fair enough!" he called as he walked back out into the hallway.

Once he was gone, she finally let her smile out; and then he reappeared in her doorway and she wiped it off her face instantly.

"See that!" He said triumphantly while pointing at her. "I knew I could make you smile! Doesn't matter how mad you are at me," he stated cockily. He waggled his eyebrows at her and took off for good this time.

Gillian sighed, rolled her eyes, and looked at the ceiling. She picked up the pudding cup and her mouth began to water. "No sense letting this go to waste," she said as she took a spoonful and let a small smile play on her lips again.

Just before she put it in her mouth, she noticed the spoon. It had a monogrammed cursive 'L' on the end, and she recognized it as Cal's mom's silverware. He'd once told her that it was the same silverware he used when he was a child, and how much it meant to him to have something of his mom's in his home that was a part of his daily life.

She put the spoon back in the pudding cup and bit her lower lip as she ran her thumb over the monogram. Her heart skipped a beat, and she reconsidered for a moment how much that simple pudding cup actually meant.

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Please review! Pretty please? With a cherry on top? And feel free to make requests or suggestions if you have thoughts on how to make this better.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Thank you for dealing with my neediness in the last chapter. I just wanted to know there were a few people out there. And now that I know, I'm satisfied.

I actually cut this chapter in half since it was so long. That means that I have all of chapter 6 written! So I'll post that tomorrow...or the next day...depends on how generous I'm feeling. : p

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Gillian savored each bite of her extra-special chocolate pudding, and then headed for the kitchen to wash the spoon. Ordinarily, she'd just lick it clean and place it on a napkin to be washed the next time she walked by; but this spoon was different.

Once she was satisfied with how clean it was, she started walking back to her office, all the while looking warmly at the spoon in her hands. She looked up through the glass walls of the conference room toward the entrance of the building as she walked by. She then snapped her head back to center and she kept walking as casually as possible. What she saw infuriated her, and she gripped the spoon in one fist so tightly she could feel it digging in her palm. She drew in a deep breath which she held all the way back to her office. She tried with all her might to remain neutral on the outside, even as her blood boiled.

She knew what she was feeling was irrational, but it didn't matter. She wasn't just mad. Oh no. She was angry, irate, furious. She was fucking pissed.

Was he seriously talking to _her_? In _their _office? After _everything_?

'_Loyalty, my ass_,' she thought as she walked through the door of her office.

Despite the increasingly strong desire to throw the spoon across the room, she gently placed it in her purse. She put her coat on and shoved a few files and her laptop in her bag. She threw the bag and her purse over she shoulder as she headed for the back door. Everything she had to do today she could do from home anyway.

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Cal had been informed someone was at the front of the office to see him. He wasn't expecting anyone, so he had no idea who it might be. When he saw her he thought to himself, '_Bloody fantastic. This is all I need!"_

"What 'er you doin' here?" Cal asked with pure irritation in his voice as he approached.

"I thought I'd see if you wanted to go out for lunch," Wallowski responded, a little taken back by his tone.

"Already ate," was all he offered. His gaze was intense and she took a step away from him. He wanted to speed this along and get her out of there as quickly as possible. He didn't want Gillian to see him talking to her.

"Dinner?" she awkwardly inquired, unsure if it was a good question or not. Her eyebrows were raised and she allowed her mouth to hang open.

"Look," he said calmly, taking a step toward her and making a gesture at her with one hand, "I can't see you anymore, in any respect. Professionally or otherwise." He too raised his eyebrows and nodded at her, waiting for affirmation that she understood.

Instead of affirming, she responded by asking, "Does this have anything to do with Mother Superior?"

Cal felt blood rush to his cheeks with anger and protectiveness. "Oiy!" he half-yelled pointing at her. Bringing his voice down to a quiet growl he finished, "I'm the only one allowed to call her that. You got it?"

She shook her head knowingly and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I got it. I don't know why I ever thought I had a chance with you," she said, half hurt, half mad at herself for showing up in the first place.

"I don't either," he hissed. "I'd eat you alive."

Finding her cool again, she said, "It's all about her. Isn't it? Everything you do. It's all about her."

"Not that I need to explain myself to you," he said pausing, allowing for her to recall that he'd laid his integrity on the line for her, "but right now, it is. What I did for you nearly ruined my relationship with the best person in my life. I'm tryin' to fix that, and you're goin' to have to be a casualty in it." His voice had taken on a somewhat apologetic tone. "I can't have both of you and-"

She cut him off before he could continue, and held out her hand. "It was a pleasure to meet and work with you, Dr. Lightman. I hope she's worth it," she said sincerely. "You know where to find me if you need me."

Cal looked down at her outstretched hand, shook it, and watched as she walked out. He stood there for a moment, then made his way around to see if he could figure out if he'd been spotted with Wallowski or not.

Walking past Gillian's office, he stopped. The light was off, and the door was shut. Knowing better than to assume that meant she was gone, he looked in to see she wasn't there and made his way back to the front of the office. Reaching the receptionist he asked, "When did Dr. Foster leave?"

"I didn't know she was gone," she replied.

Without any response, he made his way toward the lab. "Either of you seen Foster?" he asked Loker and Torres.

"No," they both responded.

Loker continued, saying, "I did want to ask you about–"

"Not now!" Cal yelled over his shoulder as he left the lab.

Loker threw his hands up and looked at Torres. She laughed and said, "Just lay low, Loker."

One in the hallway, Cal pulled out his cell phone and called Gillian. Voicemail. He called again a minute later. Voicemail again.

'_That's not a good sign_,' He thought to himself. He could feel his heartbeat start to quicken. He went to his office to grab his jacket and headed for the parking lot. Her car was gone, which only made Cal feel worse and caused his ears to start ringing. He got in his car and started to drive. First he went by the restaurant she liked around the corner. No car. Then he passed by the coffee shop a couple blocks up. No car. Last, he did a drive-by past the bookstore she liked. Still no car. Knowing full well he'd probably lost his half a point the pudding earned him, he headed to her house.

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Dun dun duuuuunnnnnn! Poor Cal. As if he doesn't make a big enough mess for himself, then Wallowski has to show up and splash around in his mud puddle? I'm off to perfect chapter 6 and start on 7. Lucky you!


	6. Chapter 6

I can't believe I haven't done this yet, but:

Disclaimer: I don't own Lie To Me.

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Chapter 6

After arriving home, Gillian kicked off her shoes and headed to the kitchen to make herself some tea. She felt utterly drained and let down, and she thought the warmth might help mellow her out. She looked out the window over her sink and noticed her Japanese maple tree in the back yard and turned an incredible shade of red. As she soaked in its vibrant color, her mind floated away.

_How could he think it would be ok to carry on a friendship with Wallowski? It's not like I have, nor should I have, any say in who his friends are, but it somehow feels like a slap in the face to see him casually talking with her in the office._

Half way through her thoughts and with her heart feeling very heavy, she heard a knock at her door. Knowing full well who the knock belonged to, she didn't move a muscle. She didn't even startle or change her breathing. She just kept looking at the Japanese maple, feeling purely, wholly, heart-achingly sad. She somehow felt that the tree in its autumn phase was similar to her relationship with Cal. Maybe they were headed for the cold, dead winter.

He knocked again and she turned her face toward the ceiling with her eyes closed and her arms hugged around herself.

Finally, he didn't even bother to knock. He just called out, "Gillian! I know you're in there. Will you please come to the door?"

She dropped her arms to her sides and walked to the door. She put her hand on the door knob and thought it felt oddly cold. She paused before opening it, digging deep inside to find her brave face. Finally with a deep breath, she opened the door and leaned against it. Based on Cal's reaction, she deduced that her brave face wasn't even close to good enough. Not today. Not when it was cut so deep and felling so raw.

As she leaned against the door, Cal's heart felt like a vice was tightening around it. His breathing became shallow, his face looked grave, and his shoulders felt unusually heavy. He could deal with angry Gillian. He could deal with stressed out, frazzled, 'We can't make payroll next week' Gillian. But sad, no worse – disappointed Gillian – that was a tough pill for him to swallow.

He swallowed hard as though swallowing an actual pill, and his throat felt suddenly dry. He parted his lips slightly while shuffling his feet toward her so he was standing at the edge of her doorway. He put one hand in his pocket and reached out toward her with the other.

"So you saw her then." It wasn't a question. He knew she did. Even if he hadn't known, the slight shift in her features from sad to furious at his statement would have given it away. "Right," he added, glancing at her somewhat tense lips. "Look, Gill, I didn't ask her to come to the office. I haven't talked to her since we were both at the jail."

Gillian's eyes started scanning his face. He looked sincere, but she wasn't sure she believed him. Shifting her weight to her opposite leg and stepping out fully from behind the door she asked, "So why was she there?" _I sound like a jealous teenager_, she thought to herself.

"She wanted to know if I'd have lunch with her," he responded, all the while keeping his eyes on hers. That was what always gave her away to him – her eyes. The rest of her was fairly decent at lying, but not her eyes. They never committed.

While the rest of her stayed statue-still, Gillian raised her eyebrows up as if to say, 'And…'

"And to get to the point of it, I told her she and I were done," he said swiping his hand horizontally in front of him.

"You just gave up the cop you had in your back pocket without a fight? Why would you do that?" she asked with disbelief, shaking her head and shrugging one shoulder.

"Not without a fight, love. This right here, this is the fight," he said honestly as he leaned forward just a touch. "And I'd end up fighting this fight over and over again with you if I kept her around. We'd fight it out til it destroyed us. And that's what I told her. I know I can't have the both of you. And I want you."

Gillian stopped breathing at his last words and her eyes widened for a split second, which didn't escape Cal. She knew he was talking about friendships, but his words made her heart skip a beat anyway.

"Will you come in so I can close the door, please?" she requested. He did as she asked and stopped just inside her door as he closed it behind him. She walked away to her kitchen where she'd left her purse. Realizing she'd forgotten about her tea, she took the kettle off the stove. Then, reaching into her purse, she pulled out the spoon. She looked it over one last time, then walked back to where Cal was standing, still just inside the door with his hands stuffed in his pockets as he looked around her living room with a hung head.

"Here's your spoon," she simply said, holding the monogrammed end as she held it out to him. He looked at it in her hands for a moment, and he had no idea why he hesitated to take it. Maybe he liked the way it looked in her hands. Maybe that silverware was so close to his heart that it was like she was holding a piece of his heart in her hands. Finally he reached for it, noticing that she allowed it to slide through her fingers as he took it rather than just letting go.

"Thought you'd appreciate real silverware," he said, feeling as though they were moving in the right direction again.

She bit her lower lip and stated, "I always prefer real silverware to plastic."

Cal gave her a small knowing smile and said, "I bet you have a set in your desk."

She fought hard to fight off a smile, but failed miserably. "Maybe," she said examining her nails, unable to look at him.

"Thought so," he replied with the smile still on his face. "Didn't want to risk it though."

She looked up at him and her smile was gone. "I'm glad you didn't," she said while allowing him to read on her face how much it meant to her. After a moment she added with a grin, "It raised the point value of your pudding."

"Oh yeah?" he asked with eyebrows raised halfway up his forehead. "How much?"

She dropped one shoulder and said, "Nine and a half."

With a surprised look on his face he responded, "Who knew a spoon was worth so much!"

"Not just any spoon. That spoon," she said reaching out for the monogram and running her finger over it one last time.

He let a comfortable, affectionate smile dance at the corners of his lips as he watched how she looked at the spoon. His moment of affection and pure gratitude for her understanding was interrupted by her speaking, however.

"You lost about eight of those points with Wallowski though," she said as she looked up at him with a teasing look in her eye.

"Now I just told you that wasn't my fault!" Cal protested loudly and with annoyance dripping off his words.

"But," she continued while taking a step toward him, "Knowing what I know now, you can have your points back. And an extra fifteen."

Giving her a half grin he asked, "So I'm up to twenty five?"

She simply nodded her head.

"Did I start at zero?" he asked with a pained look on his face.

"Not zero," she seriously replied. "But you weren't far from it."

He suddenly felt the strong desire to pull her into a hug and be close to her; but instead he held up the spoon, rocked it in his fingers a few times, then tapped it in the palm of his other hand and wrapped his fingers around it.

"I better get goin'. I need to stop back at the office and then head home or Em will ground me. See you tomorrow, Foster," he stated as he started to turn toward the door.

'_Foster…_' she thought.

"What was that?" he quickly asked after seeing something flash in her eyes.

"Nothing," she lied. "I was just remembering my tea. See you tomorrow morning."

He gave her a small nod, not at all convinced she was thinking about tea, and left for the office.

* * *

So, I lied. I haven't had time to start chapter 7 yet. But I did want to get 6 out to you so you could have a little joy on a Monday. : ) Updates might be a little bit further apart now that I've caught up with my ideas for this storyline. The muse isn't dead yet though, so fear not! There will be more to come.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: I feel the need to tell you before you read this, that the tone of this chapter is different than the rest. That being said...read away!

* * *

After watching Cal drive away, Gillian went back to her kitchen yet again. This time she was determined to get her tea. She got out her favorite mug, put in some honey and lemon tea, and poured the water in.

Finally having her drink in hand, she slowly walked to the big comfy chair in her living room. She really loved that oversized chair. You could fit someone else in there if you really wanted, but it was great for one person. Sometimes she felt like the couch was going to swallow her up with how big it was. The chair really was her preference on most days.

As she sunk in and settled back into the cushions, she waited for her tea to steep and let her mind go back to Cal's 'see you tomorrow' comment.

"See you tomorrow, _Foster_," she repeated aloud.

_Gil, Gillian, and Foster. Then there's love and darling. He changes what he calls me more often than what I can keep up with. I wonder if any of those hold any meaning to him. Foster seems so impersonal, or professional. But then he calls a lot of women love or darling. It seems like my first name is the most personal. He started calling me by my first name a lot more when he knew he was in trouble. And now that he's getting out of trouble, he's calling me Foster again. It's almost like he knows how I love hearing him say my name, so he uses it to get out of trouble. Sneaky Cal…_

Feeling that her hands had become very warm from holding her mug, she raised and lowered the tea bag several times and took a sip. She sighed deeply, feeling the liquid warm her from the inside out. She set her mug on the table next to her and picked up her latest romance novel. Tucking her feet under her, she sat sideways in the chair and set out to read for a couple hours before she finished the work she'd brought home with her.

###############

Driving in his car, Cal's mind lit up like the midnight sky full of lightening.

_She definitely reacted to me saying I wanted her. It was a small reaction, but it was definitely there. She could've been surprised, or maybe she liked hearing it…_ Not wanting to dwell on that possibility too long, his mind took a turn. _And what was with that look right when I left? That had nothing to do with tea. What did I even say? I said I had to go to the office, then home or Em would ground me. Then I said, See you tomorrow. Foster. See you tomorrow, Foster. Does she not like when I call her by her last name?_

Feeling like he was once again treading in dangerous waters, he turned the radio on and started surfing stations.

He stopped on a song that sounded tense and had an organ in the back ground:

"Please tell me baby it's not a mistake. Please tell me baby it's not a mistake. I'm an honest man, I know how to wait. So please tell me baby it's not a mistake. There is no language for how I feel. There is no language for how I feel. When I look at you standing there, none of this seems real. There is no language for how I feel. Cause we're looking for a way to make it better, looking for a way to change the weather. Whether you or I survive tonight I promise you that I will love you like we're gonna live forever."

As the drums kicked in, he gave the radio a disgusted look and changed the station feeling that it wasn't as good of a song as he'd thought it was going to be. _Could it get any sappier?_

The next station he stopped on was starting a much more energetic song.

"Here we go again. I kinda wanna be more than friends–"

_What the hell is going on with music these days?_ He changed that song even faster. Deciding the radio was a bad choice, he turned it off. He was close to home anyway.

_Wait a minute. Home? I was supposed to be headed back to the office…_

He realized he'd been so swept up in his thoughts that he was on auto-pilot, and his auto-pilot hadn't taken him to his target destination.

"Oh well." he said to himself as he pulled in the driveway. "I didn't want to finish that bloody paperwork anyway."

He walked in his house, happy to be home. Emily came down the stairs and gave him a huge smile.

"Hi, Dad! You're home early," she said as she crossed the floor to the fridge in her pajama bottoms and long-sleeved t-shirt.

"I was headed back to the office, but I decided I wanted to come home and see my beautiful daughter instead," he said while taking off his jacket and putting it over the back of a chair.

She pulled her head back out of the fridge to look at him. "Mmm. I'm not buying it. You weren't paying attention while driving again, were you?"

Knowing he was caught, he just looked at her and slightly scrunched up his face while rocking his head back and forth as if to say, 'You could put it that way…'

"So what were you thinking about?" she inquired as she looked back in the fridge for dinner.

"Nunya," he stated with a blank face.

She looked at him quizzically and closed the door. She crossed her arms in front of her and walked up to him. "Nunya?"

"Yeah," he stated with a grin. As he leaned his face close toward hers, he finished, "Nunya business."

"Mature, Dad. What is wrong with you?" she said as she put her hands on her hips and tried to keep a straight face but failed.

"Too many things to count, love," he responded as he tipped his head to the side and raised his eyebrows for a second.

"Well that's true," she said while lightly shoving his shoulder.

"Oiy! You be nice to your old man!" he playfully warned as he put his arm around her neck and messed up her hair.

Knowing she'd never get out of his fake choke hold, she went to her only sure-fire defense: the ticklish spot on his side. She tickled him until he cried out in laughter and let her go.

"Enough! Enough!" he laughed. "Truce!" he said as he held out his hand.

She shook his hand with a smile and echoed him, "Truce." A moment later she not-so-innocently added, "Know what I was thinking earlier?"

"What's that?" he asked oblivious to what she was going to say.

"Let's have Gillian over for Thanksgiving again. Remember when we did that last year? That was nice," she said while looking at her dad, hoping that it wouldn't take too much convincing. She loved spending time with her dad, but she also loved spending time with him when he was on cloud nine; and only one person did that for him.

Cal smiled warmly at the memory of having Gillian in his home on such a family-oriented holiday. He looked at Emily lovingly, thankful to have a daughter who so often thought of others before herself. "Yeah it was nice, and that's a good idea," he said with a smile. "I'll ask her about it tomorrow."

Emily flashed him her thousand-watt smile and kissed him on the cheek. "Good," she said. "And I want to put up the tree after we eat this year like we always used to." And with that she ran back up the stairs.

Cal suddenly felt like he'd been had. "Bloody hell," he mumbled. "She had that whole thing planned out."

* * *

Please be honest with me - did you hate this? I'm in a place where I'm so close to this fic that it kind of doesn't make sense anymore. Know what I mean? I really like the next couple chapters I have written, but they are along the lines of the tone in this chapter, and I'm just not sure it fits the rest of the fic... Anyway, sound off in the reviews if you have any strong feelings about it.

P.S. - the first song was Live Forever by Matt Morris and the second was Animal by Neon Trees. Both are good songs, but I really love Live Forever.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: I love this chapter! : )

Special thanks to Dr. Callian for all your input and for helping me get the ending just right! And also a special thanks to all my reviewers - you're all very encouraging and it makes me want to keep writing! Enjoy!

* * *

Arriving at work the next morning, Cal made his way directly to Gillian's office. He didn't have anything but his coat with him anyway since he'd never made it back to work the night before. He was indeed going to invite her to Thanksgiving dinner, but he was also going to perform a little experiment as well.

"Morning, Foster!" he said as he walked in her office and took a seat in one of the chairs in front of her desk.

"Good morning," she said back with a genuine smile that wanted to reach her eyes, but failed to do so.

_Interesting, _Cal thought. "How was your evening?" he asked as he threw an arm over the back of the chair and allowed his legs to take a wide stance.

"It was good. Nothing special," she said as she leaned forward on her desk. "I finally had my tea, did a little reading, and finished some paperwork."

_Oh yeah. The tea. _"What kind of tea?" Cal inquired.

Feeling that was incredibly insignificant, Gillian furrowed her brow but answered him anyway. "Honey and lemon. Why?"

"Just curious," he stated as he tipped his head back slightly.

Knowing something was going on, but having no idea what it was, she licked her lips and asked, "Can I help you with something, Cal?"

_Here's my opportunity without it being overly obvious._ "Actually you can, Gillian." He paused after saying her name to see how she reacted. He could see she was very much trying to hide a smile, and doing quite a good job at it. But her eyes gave her away like always. They were brighter and slightly squinted as if the smile had already reached them even as it was still fighting to stay off her lips.

Satisfied with his results, he leaned forward on her desk to mirror her posture and asked, "How many points would an invitation to Thanksgiving dinner get me?"

She drew her head back and considered his question. "Well the very fact that you're even asking that question skews things, because it seems like you'd be inviting me to dinner only to win more points."

"In my defense," Cal started while gesturing at her, "it was actually Emily's idea." Gillian turned her head ever so slightly to the side as he spoke. He continued, "And I thought it was a good idea. We both loved having you there last year. Besides, that's a lot of food for two people." Noticing she was still examining his face, he added with a shrug of his shoulders, "It can be a freebie if you like – no points. I just hope you don't already have plans, and that you can be there. Gill." He added her name on at the last second, just to see what would happen.

She was suddenly serious as she leaned further across her desk. "I would love that," she said, "but not because you called me 'Gill'. I can see you're trying to figure something out, Cal. What are you getting at?" she asked intrigued.

"Nothing," he easily said.

"Liar," she countered while pointing at him quickly.

A small grin escaped his lips and he asked, "I can't call you 'Gill'?"

"I didn't say that," she said while looking him in the eye. "You can't call me Gill if you've got some hidden motive."

_Oh she's on to me_, Cal thought to himself. "So you'll be at dinner, Dr. Foster?" he deflected.

She simply nodded her head at him with a knowing smile.

"Good," Cal said reaching out to put a hand on hers. It felt good to touch her. He hadn't touched her in anyway in so long. He could tell by the hitch in her breath that she enjoyed the contact too. Taking his hand back he finished, "Em wants to eat around 4, but we'll be cooking all day. You're welcome at any point. You just let me know, alright?"

She nodded at him and he stood to walk toward the door, but he stopped just before he left. "Gill," he said, waiting for her to look him in the eyes again. "I'm really glad you'll be there."

She finally let out the smile that was hiding inside, and this time it easily reached her eyes. "Me too."

As soon as he left she turned in her chair to face the windows and brought her hands to her cheeks, feeling the blush rise in them at him calling her Gill again. And then her mind wandered to Thanksgiving, and she smiled.

###############

Later that day while she was fully consumed in her work, Gillian's cell phone rang. Being so caught up in what she was doing, she didn't even look to see who was calling.

She picked up the phone and uttered, "Hello?"

"Gillian?" the voice on the other end of the phone asked.

Not recognizing the voice Gillian said, "Uhm, yes," as she pulled the phone away to see whose name was on the screen. "Oh, hi Emily," she happily said after seeing it was Cal's home number that the call came from. "How are you?"

"I'm good. Dad says you're coming to Thanksgiving!" she excitedly said.

"Yes, he said it was your idea. Thank you for thinking of me," Gillian said with a smile.

"Oh, we had such a good time with you last year that I thought you belonged there with us this year!" Emily stated matter-of-factly.

_Belonged, _Gillian thought. _I haven't belonged anywhere in a long time._

She continued, "We're going to start cooking around noon. Do you want to come over early? You can watch dad in his frilly apron again," she added with a small laugh.

Gillian considered what Emily was asking her. _That's a long time to be around someone I'm still a little angry with… _"I'd love to help with the cooking, but do you really want–" Gillian was cut off by Emily.

"Don't be silly. Yes, we want you there for that long. If we didn't, we wouldn't invite you so early! And Dad will never say it, so I'm calling. Please come at noon?" Emily asked.

Gillian bit her lip and finally acquiesced, "Ok. I'll be there at noon. Do I need to bring anything?"

"Just yourself. See you tomorrow!" Emily said before quickly hanging up so Gillian couldn't change her mind.

###############

As she was getting ready to go home for the day, Cal stopped in her office to say goodnight.

"I hear you're coming over at noon." Cal stated with a smile as he casually walked in her office.

"Yes. You're daughter is a master manipulator. Where do you think she learned that from?" she asked from behind her desk as she put on her jacket and gathered her things.

"Only the best!" Cal said proudly.

Gillian looked up from her things and said, "Mmm." She looked down as she walked around her desk with her bag and purse in hand. Cal leaned down and tilted his head in an effort to see her face. He could see she was unsure about something, and he couldn't help but think how cute she looked when she was unsure. She looked up at him once she was standing next to him and he straightened up, looking in her eyes and waiting for her to speak. Finally, she asked, "Are you sure you want me there that early? If you want some time with Emily I understand that…" her voice trailed off.

Cal wrapped a hand gently around her arm just above her wrist and looked deep in her eyes while speaking reassuringly. "Neither of us would have ever brought it up if we didn't want you there. I want you to be comfortable though. You're welcome to come over at whatever time you want. You can come over at four, or you can come over at eight in the morning. We can have mimosas with breakfast," he said, earning a small smile from her.

She gave him a nod and said, "Ok. I'll be there at noon."

"Great," he said giving her arm a small squeeze. "Let's get outta here." He gave her a small, heart-felt smile and moved his hand to her lower back to guide her out of the office. Once in the hallway, he snaked his arm around her shoulders and pulled her into a side hug. While looking down, she turned her head toward him and smiled, feeling warmth spreading from her chest to the rest of her body. She looked up at him, knowing the first thing on her list of reasons to be thankful for that year. Cal returned her smile, thinking the same thing.

* * *

I'm going to try to get the first of the Thanksgiving chapters up before Thanksgiving actually arrives, or on Thanksgiving, but I can't guarantee anything. Just in case I don't see you all before that - Happy Thanksgiving! And if you won't be celebrating Thanksgiving tomorrow, take a moment to count your blessings anyway. I can almost guarantee you'll feel better after you do!


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: I have to apologize to gidget89. I know, I know. It's almost 2AM and here I am updating again. Maybe you're already in bed so you won't see the update til tomorrow! : )

To everyone - parts of this had me laughing so hard I was doing the silent laugh. You know the one I mean? I'm feeling a little under the weather, so I'm not sure if it's actually funny or if it's just the sickness talking. Let me know!

* * *

Gillian woke up the following morning excited for the day. Though she'd be lying to herself if she didn't admit she was a little nervous as well. She knew he was trying, but she still wasn't completely happy with Cal; and spending so much time with him in one day could prove to be a challenge. At least they'd have Emily as a buffer if things got a little…intense. She crawled out of bed, hopped in the shower, and started to get ready for what she was sure was going to be an interesting day.

###############

"Dad!" Emily called from the kitchen. "Why is there champagne in the fridge?"

"Just incase," he replied as he walked down the stairs in his pajama pants and blue t-shirt.

"Just incase of what?" she asked with a teasing smile on her face.

"Don't gimme that! I haven't had my coffee yet," he whined with a pained look on his face. "What's for breakfast?"

"Deflect much?" she murmured under her breath as she started looking through the cupboards.

"What's that?" he asked a little annoyed.

"I said, I was thinking pancakes. With sausage. And eggs!" she said excitedly.

"Really?" Cal asked with disbelief. "You do know we have a big meal coming up this afternoon. I know it's several hours away, but if you eat all that you won't be hungry til tomorrow!"

"Fine," she huffed. "Just the pancakes then." She pulled the baking mix off the shelf and asked, "So are you excited for today?"

He looked at her sideways and asked, "For dinner you mean? Sure."

She rolled her eyes and asked, "Are you excited to have Gillian here?"

Cal turned toward her, narrowed his eyes, and pointed at her. "Now you listen to me. Don't you go making this more than what it is."

"Well, what is it?" she asked lifting her chin defiantly.

"What it is," he explained as he took a step toward her so he was standing very close, "is a friend comin' over that _you_ invited."

"Mmmhmm," she murmured.

"Don't you 'mmmhmmm' me!" he warned.

"Dad, you've got champagne in the fridge," she stated dead-panned.

"You know what you've got?" he asked while reaching for the box of baking mix. "Egg on your face. Or, more accurately, bakin' mix." And with that, he took a small handful out of the box and flicked it at her so she was dusted with the white, flour-like mixture.

She instantly held her breath with her mouth gaping open in disbelief, slowly raised her hands to her face to wipe her eyes, and got a look of revenge in her eyes.

"Oh yeah?" he challenged. He dipped his hand in and this time wiped it on her shirt.

Emily's face registered two things as she reached for the flour: amusement at how far her dad would go to avoid certain topics, and payback. Oh yes, payback. She took a huge handful of flour and hurled it at Cal who had backed up so he was on the other side of the island. Miscalculating how light the flour was with how far away he was, she missed completely.

"Emily!" he yelled after seeing the trail of flour she left across the island.

"Don't you 'Emily' me!" she said as she mocked his earlier words, imitating his accent across her name. "You started this!"

"And I'm goin' to end it!" he challenged as he hurled another mound of baking mix at her.

Before they knew it, a full on father-daughter kitchen war had ensued complete with fits of laughter, handfuls of powdered substances, and less pancakes than they had originally planned on. There were rivers of white on the floor, clouds erupted from their clothes each time the moved, and they both looked far paler than they had when they woke up that morning.

Seemingly out of no where, they heard the doorbell.

Cal looked up at the clock and shouted, "Oiy, Em! It's noon!" as he ran for the front door.

Opening it, he was greeted with a smiling Gillian that was quickly replaced with a wide-eyed Gillian who had her mouth hanging open.

"Wha… What happened to you?" she asked standing completely still, clearly confused and baffled at the mess of a man who stood before her. She slightly shook her head with perplexity at the cloud that hovered around him as he started gesturing.

"Pancakes," Cal said with a smile on his face.

"Pancakes," she slowly repeated with disbelief still plastered on her face while examining not only the dusting in his hair that made it look like he'd gone completely grey, but also the whole handprint on the side of his face. "Like, attack of the pancakes?"

"More like attack of the girl who wanted pancakes for breakfast." He licked his lips and jerked his head to the side. "Come on in – but beware of the flour. I'll be right back. Gotta change." He left the door open with Gillian still standing outside as he dashed for the stairs.

Leaning slightly forward, Gillian peaked in the door and looked around. Finally getting a grip, she walked in, closed the door, and made her way to the kitchen. What she saw astounded her and left her mouth gaping. She absentmindedly set her purse on the counter and ventured into the space, feeling that war had erupted before she'd arrived.

As if she snapped out of it, she suddenly noticed the lack of warmth that usually surrounds the kitchen on Thanksgiving. And not an emotional warmth. A physical warmth that generally comes from the oven. She placed her hand on the front of it. Cold. She bit her lower lip, closed her eyes, and smiled while chuckling to herself. "So much for eating at four," she said to herself amused.

A moment later, Cal came back downstairs looking freshly showered. His hair was wet and he was in clean clothes – jeans and a black fitted t-shirt that Gillian thought was much better than the previous mess he was wearing. She noticed that his shirt allowed his tattoo to show, and then she wondered if the oven really was on because she was feeling strangely warm.

"That's better," he stated as he walked toward her and stopped just a foot away. Gillian slightly drew her head back at how close he was standing. "Happy Thanksgiving, love," he stated with the happiest eyes Gillian had seen on him in a long time.

"Happy Thanksgiving," she returned with a smile. Looking up at his temple she said, "You missed a spot." She wiped away the substance that was now more a paste with the added water. Cal gave her a small smile, looked down at her lips, then back up to her eyes. She turned her head away from him and back toward the oven again. There was no way that thing wasn't on…

"Right. We better get that turkey going if we want to eat before midnight!" Cal stated while walking behind her.

Just then Emily came down the stairs, and Gillian couldn't remember the last time she'd been so happy to see someone. "Hi Emily," she greeted the teenager.

"Hey Gillian! Sorry about the mess. Dad has issues owning up to things." She glanced over Gillian's shoulder to see Cal giving her a looked of warning. Gillian furrowed her brow and slightly shook her head to indicate she was confused. "You know… He's just being a guy," she lamely stated with a smile as she walked past Gillian to the fridge.

Gillian watched her walk by and then looked over at Cal. He was standing at the counter with his back to her, and he seemed a little too busy inspecting the roasting pan.

Not knowing what was going on but feeling sure she didn't want to know, she laid her hands flat on the island and simply said, "Right… What can I help with?"

As Emily pulled the turkey out of the fridge and handed it to her dad she said, "The tree!" Cal shot her a look that said, 'Behave. Or I've got more baking mix for you.' She rolled her eyes at him and turned to Gillian waiting for her response.

Feeling confused yet again, Gillian knit her brow and asked utterly mystified, "The tree?"

"Yeah – the Christmas tree! I wanted to do it after we ate, but since we're getting started late anyway we can do it now! You can handle the turkey, right Dad?" Emily asked while walking toward Gillian before he had a chance to respond.

"Yeah." Cal called without looking at them, thankful to have a little distance from both women and hoping his daughter had heeded his non-verbal warning.

"Wha– Um–" Gillian stammered, but before she could form a coherent statement, Emily had a hold of her wrist and she was pulling her toward the basement.

"Come on," Emily said excitedly. "The turkey needs a few hours before we start cooking anything else anyway. And you know how Dad is about trees. He didn't even want one at the office last year. Remember?"

Gillian gave her a sympathetic look and finally said, "Ok!" while throwing her hands in the air. "Let's put up the tree! Real or fake?"

"Real. No contest," Emily said as they started to walk downstairs.

"Do you already have one?" Gillian inquired as she followed the girl, wondering if they were eventually headed to a Christmas tree farm.

"Yeah, I went with Liam yesterday to get one. It's in the backyard," she stated as she started to look around for the boxes of decorations.

"Liam?" Gillian asked while also looking around. "What happened to Rick?"

"Here they are!" Emily half-shouted while digging out the boxes. "I think Dad scared him away. You know how he is," she added while handing over a box. "I'll tell you about Liam while we decorate."

Gillian took the box and smiled warmly as Emily continued to talk. Yes, she had been utterly confused several times already today. But now, as things started to settle down and fall into place, she couldn't imagine being anywhere else. She was happy, and she felt at _home_.

* * *

Happy Thanksgiving, friends!


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: I'm back! I know you all were spoiled with updates nearly every day for a while there, but then Thanksgiving hit and my whole family got sick! Yuck. Anyway, I'm all better now and my muse finally kicked back in. I had a heck of a time getting my brain back into gear for this. But here it is! As always, enjoy!

* * *

Over the next several hours, Cal busied himself in the kitchen. It was true he never really cared to put up a tree and decorate and 'all that bollocks,' but he was enjoying listening to his two favorite girls laughing with one another. He would stop what he was doing now and then to look in and see what they were up to. He found it amusing to watch them try to untangle lights together. At one point they were laughing uncontrollably as Emily fell over backwards to the floor while being half-saved only by the strand of lights Gillian was holding. Gillian was laughing so hard she had to sit down, and Emily was curled into a ball because her stomach hurt from laughing so much. As he stood there watching he thought, _If this is what decorating is all about, I could get used to that._

Around 4, Cal walked into the living room to see both women standing shoulder to shoulder a little ways back from the tree with both their heads tilted to the right, just taking in the site. The lights in the room were off, the curtains were drawn so it was dark, and the lights on the tree were lit. He walked up behind them and stopped in the middle of them, one step back.

"That's a beautiful tree," he said while wrapping an arm around Emily from behind and giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks, Dad," she said with a smile.

Gillian had an awe-inspired look on her face as she turned to Cal. Upon seeing him, her smile changed to pure amusement.

"Yeah, I know," he stated flatly. "I'm odd."

Gillian looked down at the same frilly apron he'd worn last year and said with a shrug, "It suits you. What can we help you with in here?" she asked as she walked away from the pair and entered the kitchen.

Emily gave Cal a look that said, 'What? No kiss for Gillian?'

"Don't start," Cal said, leaving Emily alone with the tree as he also headed for the kitchen and stopped just inside.

For the first time that day, Cal took notice of the jeans that hugged Gillian's legs perfectly, and were only more perfect as she leaned over to look through the window of the oven. As she stood back up toward him, he noticed her light blue sweater was also quite flattering. It wasn't a deep-v neckline, but it was dangerously low by Gillian's standards, and it hugged her quite tightly.

Seeing an odd look on Cal's face that she couldn't quite name, Gillian inquired, "What?" She was very confused. Usually when he looked her up and down it bordered on predatory. This was…different.

Cal quickly came to and said, "Thanks for helping with the tree. You know how I hate all that." He walked toward her and decided on pure deflection. "You wanna make the chocolate pie?"

"You know you don't have to ask twice!" she said excitedly. Cal smiled at the way her eyes lit up at the mention of chocolate and handed over the ingredients he already had sitting on the counter. "No pumpkin pie?" she asked, having realized there was an alarming lack of desserts.

"Over there," Cal said while pointing behind her and taking a step forward, leaving only a couple feet between them. "You didn't think I'd invite you to Thanksgiving and only have one kind of dessert, did you?" he teased.

"I was a little worried," she joked back with a smile that soon faded to a look of interest. As she looked up from the packages she was opening, she saw Cal looking at her more affectionately than he had in a long time. She suddenly didn't feel like a nuisance to him, like she had so often lately. She felt in the way when he was dealing with Wallowski, like he was trying everything he could to get around her and keep her out of the way. But that look on his face… She felt like maybe he _did_ think she was beautiful. And maybe he _did_ want her…

Her spell was broken by Cal giving her a small, sincere smile and quietly asking, "Did you have fun with Em?"

She smiled back and said, "Yes. I really did." She paused a moment, considering the comfortable feeling she had while standing in Cal's kitchen with a mixing bowl in hand, and him so close. She also took a moment to consider the softness of his voice. She missed these moments with him. Moments that felt like they stole away from the world, moments that were only for them and made her heart beat a little faster. Moments that made her wonder 'what if?'

"The tree looks amazing, Gillian," Emily said brightly as she entered the kitchen.

Gillian kept her eyes on Cal for the duration of Emily's comment, noticing he wasn't looking away and feeling sorry their moment was over. She finally tore her gaze away from him, then looked at Emily and responded, "I think it looks great too."

Cal kept his eyes on Gillian, studying her as she interacted with his daughter. He always loved how easily they got along. Granted, Gillian got along well with most people if given the opportunity, but it was obvious to him simply by the way she looked at his daughter that she held a special place in Gillian's heart. He wondered if Emily had any idea about that, and then his train of thought was interrupted.

"It's a lot more fun to put up when someone is helping too. Dad." Emily said while looking at Cal. He simply looked at her indifferently.

"Well I was happy to help," Gillian intervened. "We haven't had a chance to talk in a while anyway, so it was nice to catch up with you. Which reminds me, Cal," she said while turning to him, "Stop scaring away boys! She's a good judge of character. You need to learn to trust her instincts." She raised her eyebrows at him as a punctuation to the end of her statement and focused her sights back on her pie.

"See! It's not just me. Other people think this way too," Emily said wide-eyed as she looked at Cal and motioned toward Gillian with one hand.

Cal looked from Emily to Gillian and back again. "Now I know why I stayed in the kitchen while you two were decorating. I'm outnumbered!"

"You could have invited Liam over for dinner," Gillian casually threw out without taking her eyes off the bowl of chocolate filling that she was mixing and putting in the pie crust.

"Right. Because he would side with me over Emily. That'd be three on one then. And that might be the worst idea you've ever had, love," he said seriously.

Gillian smirked and glanced up from her finished pie at Emily who was smiling back at her.

"Well, it doesn't matter anyway," Emily said. "I'm sure his family wanted him home, and he's picking me up tomorrow to do some Christmas shopping."

"Oh yeah? Since when?" Cal asked with his brow furrowed.

"Since yesterday," she stated matter-of-factly.

"Ah. Well then, you get dishes today!" Cal stated joyfully with a wide smile.

"What? That's so unfair!" Emily complained.

"That's what you get for making plans and not telling me," Cal countered. He knew this was a ridiculous argument. He just didn't like that…boy.

"I won't be gone all day, Dad. I'll just be gone for a few hours. I didn't think it was a big deal," Emily stated annoyed.

Knowing full well what was going through Cal's mind, Gillian offered, "I'll help with the dishes."

"'Course you will. You bloody women always stick together," Cal said, half-annoyed. "I'm going to the living room to enjoy your tree. Mashed potatoes still need to be done, green bean casserole needs to be made, and the turkey needs to come out in twenty." And with that, Cal sauntered off to the living room where he promptly plopped himself on the couch and turned on the tv.

Gillian looked at the stovetop to see a pot full of water waiting to boil. She turned the heat up, looked at Emily and asked, "Which do you want – peeling potatoes or making casserole?"

"Casserole," Emily stated walking over to the cupboards to gather everything she'd need.

Gillian found a bag of potatoes on the counter and took them to the island. She looked up to see Cal settling back in the couch and looking at the tree. She knew it was silly, but she actually missed him from when he was next to her thirty seconds ago. It seemed like from the moment she'd gotten there he was always in a different room. Not that she minded the time with Emily. She really did love it; but when their relationship was still slightly hanging in the balance, she could really use some quality time with Cal.

Having gathered what she needed for the casserole, Emily looked over at Gillian in time to see her let out a sizable sigh. She walked over next to her and said, "You miss him, don't you?"

Understanding that she must have heard her sigh, Gillian responded, "I was just looking at all these potatoes that need to be peeled. That's a lot of potatoes!"

Emily rolled her eyes and responded, "He misses you too. He'd never say that, but he does." Standing next to her for a moment and then realizing that Gillian was just as good at hiding things when she wanted to as her dad was, she walked back over to the counter and started mixing things together.

As if right on cue, Gillian looked up to see Cal looking back at her. He gave her a wide smile, then turned back toward the tv. Gillian felt a familiar warmth stir in her chest, and she re-focused on her task, eager to get to dinner.

* * *

Not so sure about this ending, but it is what it is. I have a few ideas floating around in my head, so as long as there's still interest I think I'll keep it going for a while. And I'll do my best to start updating more frequently again!


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: I know it's been a while since my last update (again), but this is a loooooong chapter, so hopefully that makes up for it! Please forgive any errors. I feel like if I read this one more time my eyes are going to pop out... Hopefully you don't feel that way when you're done. LOL!

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An hour and a half later, the kitchen was cluttered with the three of them getting the last parts of dinner finished. Cal had carved the turkey, the green bean casserole was coming out of the oven, and Emily had put the mashed potatoes, stuffing, and rolls on the table. Noticing there weren't yet any place settings, she began to set the table. She had the plates in hand and was getting the silverware when she noticed something was out of place.

"Dad, are we missing a spoon?" she asked completely confused with a slight edge of apprehension. She swallowed and started hoping she hadn't somehow managed to lose a piece of her grandmother's silverware.

Gillian glanced at Cal with curiosity and she caught his eye for a moment before he looked away.

"Oh, I leant it to Gillian. It's in my coat pocket. I'll get it in a minute," he responded, remembering that he'd forgotten to put it back.

Emily furrowed her brow, perplexed, but simply carried on with setting the table. A moment later, there was a knock at the door.

"Who the bloody hell is knocking at my door on Thanksgiving?" Cal mumbled as he lumbered to the front door, snagging the spoon from his coat pocket as he walked past. When he reached the door, he opened it with force to let the person waiting outside know they were interrupting something. When he opened the door, his lips parted and he just stood there.

"Wow! That smells amazing!" his apparent guest stated, and then continued after a brief pause, "Are you going to invite me in?"

"Well I hadn't called you with an invitation to dinner, so I hadn't planned on it. What'er you doin' here?" Cal asked, not sure exactly how to handle this situation.

Emily walked up behind him and said, "Mom. What are you doing here?"

"Well listen to the two of you," Zoe stated somewhat taken back before hearing some noise from the kitchen. "Is someone else here?" she asked as she looked around.

"You didn't see the car in the driveway," Cal said as more of a statement than a question while giving her an irritated look.

Just then, Gillian walked around the corner to see the family standing together in entry. She stopped in her tracks with her arms at her sides, noticing that her hands felt suddenly cold as she ran her thumbs across the insides of her fingers. She maintained her composure on the outside, even as her insides started to spin with questions.

_Did they know she was coming? Was she invited? They would have told me if they knew she was coming, right? What is she going to say when she finds out that I decorated the tree with _her_ daughter, and I've been cooking in _her_ kitchen with _her…..ex-_husband,_ Gillian suddenly reminded herself. _Her ex-husband._

Without missing a beat Gillian said, "Hello, Zoe. Happy Thanksgiving."

"Happy Thanksgiving, Gillian," Zoe responded with a forced smile, clearly disappointed with the situation.

Cal turned away from Zoe and Emily, walking toward the kitchen and past Gillian in process. As he approached her, he had an apologetic look on his face, signaling to her that this was an unannounced visit. She nodded to herself before turning and following him.

"We were just about to eat, Mom. I'll set you a place. Come on in," Emily said. She could feel her heartbeat quickening slightly as she held her breath and walked away from the front door. She knew if her mother didn't walk out the front door now, she would be there for the duration of dinner. Not hearing the door as she walked away, but rather footsteps following her, Emily drew in her breath further and thought, _Here we go!_

Emily was setting another place at the table when Cal and Gillian walked in with the turkey and green bean casserole, respectively. Emily sat on one side of the table and Zoe took a seat next to her. Gillian, not knowing what would be more awkward – sitting next to Zoe and thereby separating her from Cal, or sitting next to Cal and Emily and thereby feeling as though it would seem it was her versus Zoe – she waited for Cal to either sit down or indicate where she should sit.

"Take a seat, love," Cal said while motioning toward the seat between him and Emily. "Oh and here's your spoon," he added while handing her the one from his pocket and taking the one from the table.

Loving the gesture, but feeling four eyes boring into her, she simply said, "Thank you," with a small smile and sat down.

Both Zoe and Emily mouthed the words to themselves while looking at Gillian, 'Your spoon?' Neither of them failed to notice the slight blush rising in her cheeks either.

Zoe knew Cal would have sooner given up the house in their divorce than given her one spoon from his mother's silverware, and she felt a tinge of jealousy tugging in her chest. She wondered if Gillian had any idea what exactly she held in her hand. Emily felt even more perplexed than before, but she was currently too concerned about how dinner was going to go to put too much thought into it.

Cal had briefly gone back to the kitchen to put the extra spoon away and was sitting back down at the table when he said, "Let's eat." _Before this gets even more awkward than it already is,_ he added to himself.

"Oh!" Zoe exclaimed, causing Cal to look at her with annoyance. All he wanted do to was eat. "I brought wine." She reached for a bag on the floor that she'd brought in with her and handed the bottle to Cal. He got back up and retrieved three wine glasses and a corkscrew. He sat down once again looking a little relieved, like maybe the alcohol would help some of the awkwardness dissipate. After pouring three glasses, he handed one to each of the women.

"Mmm, that's delicious!" Gillian said while looking at Zoe.

"Yes, it is," Zoe replied with a somewhat sultry voice while looking at Cal.

Emily's eyebrows shot halfway up her forehead as she looked at her mom with disbelief. Gillian glanced at Cal then back at Zoe, and could have sworn she saw her pupils dilate slightly. Gillian cleared her throat, looked in her wine glass, and took a long drink.

Two glasses of wine and half of dinner later it was obvious Zoe had loosened up. A lot. She was incredibly comfortable sitting at that table with Cal and Emily, and half the time it seemed as though she'd forgotten Gillian was there. She kept talking about family vacations they'd taken, and Gillian couldn't help but wonder when things had gone so terribly wrong for them. The stories Zoe told involved a family that was very close. Looking at Cal, Gillian began to wonder if Zoe had romanticized things in her mind. Based on the reactions she was getting from Cal, it was obvious he did not entirely agree with Zoe's accounts of their past.

She was pulled from her thoughts when she saw Zoe reach out and lay her hand on Cal's arm, curling her fingers around his forearm. "Do you remember that?" she asked with a dreamy smile. "We sat on the beach all night watching the meteor shower. It was amazing. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity." She smiled at him and then looked at Gillian, as if to let her know that she had plenty of experiences with Cal that could never be taken away.

Staying quiet and seeing that Zoe was no longer looking at him, Cal followed the line of her sight to Gillian who had on her poker face. _Good girl_, he thought. He turned his sights back toward Zoe and he settled into his seat as he took in the territorial look in her eyes and began to pull his arm away. It was becoming all too clear why Zoe had shown up today, and there was no doubting she was unhappy Gillian was there.

After looking at Gillian for a moment, Zoe trailed her fingers down the length of Cal's arm as he pulled it away from her. Gillian simply looked down at her plate and revealed nothing. Cal looked back and forth between the women, feeling a little amused at what was unfolding before him. He looked across the table to see Emily with eyebrows raised sky-high and eyes as wide as saucers. He gave her a slight shrug indicating her guess was as good as his regarding what her mother was thinking. Upon receiving no helpful information from her dad, Emily focused her sights back on her plate. "Good turkey," Emily said more to herself than to anyone else as a heavy silence settled over the room.

During the rest of dinner, Zoe occasionally let out some flirtatious laughter at things Cal said. With each fake laugh that was clearly designed to remind Gillian she was still there, Cal found his annoyance at the intrusion growing; but he simply put the wine between himself and Gillian so Zoe no longer had easy access. The last thing he needed was her drunk and thereby needing a place to sleep it off. The more he considered each of her aggressive, territorial actions, the more he was sure that had been her plan when she arrived.

Emily had finally had enough and quickly finished her plate then announced, "I'm finished! Guess I'll take my plate to the sink." She swiftly pushed her chair back so she could stand, gathered her plate and her utensils, and scurried away.

Gillian followed suit, "I'm finished too." She got up more slowly than Emily had and by the time she reached the sink Emily had dashed upstairs. Gillian presumed the teenager needed a break from the interesting situation they all found themselves in. She set her plate in the sink and made her way to the living room. She felt like she could use the company of the Christmas tree to remind her what the holidays were about: family and good memories, not whatever passive-aggressive thing had just unfolded during dinner.

Cal and Zoe both cleared their places and took their dishes to the kitchen only to find it empty. Seeing Gillian quietly standing alone in the living room, Cal indicated to Zoe that Emily had gone upstairs and he waited for her to head upstairs as well. He walked over to the doorway and leaned against it, watching Gillian's back as she stood with her arms crossed in front of her.

She stood in the living room watching the snow gently fall to the ground and create a soft blanket over the landscape. The roads were freshly plowed, but everything else, including her vehicle, was covered. She loved the way the branches of trees looked when they had snow on them. The small ones almost looked as if there was just a line of snow floating in midair. The big ones looked like the snow was painted on. As she looked across the yards, she noticed that aside from the street, none of the snow had been disturbed. Everyone was still inside enjoying dinner. She started to wonder what dinner would have been like if Zoe hadn't showed up. She knew she couldn't fault her for wanting to spend time with Emily, but she didn't like the fact that she chose this day, or that she seemed to have quite an interest in Cal. It was no secret to her that they'd had several flings since their divorce, but she was not expecting to be confronted with that today. It left her feeling out of place, sad, and – dare she admit it to herself? – jealous. She rolled her eyes as she remembered the way Zoe looked at her while holding Cal's arm, almost gloating that she was allowed to touch him. With her arms still crossed, she took in a deep breath while closing her eyes and rolling her neck around as if to relieve some tension. She brought her head back to center, opened her eyes, and slowly let out the breath. It was then she felt a change in the atmosphere as someone walked up behind her and stopped. She stood there comfortably without moving, feeling that it was a warm addition to the atmosphere. However, seeing that it appeared Zoe wasn't planning on leaving anytime soon and assuming the roads were going to start getting slippery, she said, "I should go."

Cal closed the gap he'd left behind her and stopped just short of pressing his body against hers so his words would easily float in her ear. "Nah. She'll be leaving soon." He tipped his head to the side so his eyes could take in the view. It always amazed him how beautiful she was. She was always just as beautiful at the end of a long day as she had been first thing in the morning, when he was certain she wouldn't walk out the door unless she was feeling perfect. He didn't like the somber tone that had settled over her features, however.

Ignoring the fluttering of her heart at how close he'd been standing, Gillian walked to the front door, leaving Cal standing on his spot, and grabbed her coat from the coat rack. Looking at the floor the whole time, she put it on and responded, "No, I should really go." It was all too obvious to her as well why Zoe had come over today. The wine, the flirtation, the touching…

Cal glanced out the front window without moving and replied, "Well, she's got you blocked in."

Gillian looked out to see that Zoe's vehicle was indeed parked behind hers, and she stood very still as she looked out the window.

Walking over to her with his hands now in his pockets, Cal said, "Besides, you haven't had dessert, and you told Em you'd help with dishes." He leaned down to catch her eyes which were once again fixated on the floor. She finally looked him in the eye for the first time since dinner. It may have been true that Zoe didn't want to leave, but it was also apparent that Cal didn't want Gillian to leave.

She bit her lip and took her coat back off, holding it in her hands. "Emily!" she called, not knowing where the teenager was. "You still want help with the dishes?"

Emily appeared at the top of the stairs and exclaimed, "Yes!" Gillian looked up at her, still holding her coat. "I'll be doing dishes all night if I do them alone."

A moment later, Zoe appeared by her side. "I can help you," she volunteered all too quickly.

"Nope," Cal immediately jumped in. "Gillian volunteered. And she made me suffer through her incessant giggling earlier in the day, so this is my payback."

Feeling tension once again rising in the room, Gillian looked away from the mother-daughter duo, hung her coat back on the rack, and made her way to the kitchen.

Zoe watched her walk away and started walking down the stairs with Emily following behind. Emily continued on and followed Gillian to the kitchen as Zoe stopped near Cal and said, "Ok. Well–"

"We've got it all taken care of," Cal stated flatly in an attempt to get her out the door.

Zoe replied by asked, "Are you trying to get me to leave?"

"I didn't invite you in the first place," Cal responded with a matter-of-fact edge to his words.

She shook her head slightly feeling a little embarrassed and considered how she'd barged in on their Thanksgiving, assuming it would only be the two of them. Admittedly, she'd pretty much ignored the extra vehicle in the driveway when she arrived. She had no idea what exactly she had intruded on, but it was very clear Cal did not want her there.

She left Cal at the base of the stairs and walked into the kitchen to see her daughter standing next to another woman and having an easy conversation. She couldn't help but think that should have been her, but she knew that no holidays were guaranteed anymore, not like they used to be.

She walked up behind the pair and said, "Emily, I'm leaving."

"Ok. Happy Thanksgiving, Mom," she said as she turned around to give her mother a hug.

"Happy Thanksgiving, Gillian," Zoe said with disappointment and a smile that was less forced than the first time she uttered the same statement.

Gillian returned the sentiment and heaved a sigh of relief once Zoe had walked away. The knowledge that it was going to be just the three of them again allowed Gillian to relax. She lowered her shoulders not realizing she'd been holding them in a tense posture.

Looking at her sideways, Emily asked, "That was awkward, huh?"

Gillian looked at Emily, wanting to give her some kind of convincing lie that it wasn't as bad as it seemed; but when she saw Emily giving her a looked that clearly read, 'Come on. It was horrible and you know it,' Gillian simply burst into a fit of laughter and said, "Hand me that towel. You wash, I'll dry."

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I wanted to put this note at the beginning of the chapter, but then it would have given the Zoe thing away before you started reading. Let's just assume for my story that Cal got the house in the divorce. I don't know if that's how it went, but I don't want to re-write that one paragraph where I assumed that. lol!

Hope you enjoyed!


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Thank you for the reviews last chapter - some of you really made me smile! I hope you guys don't mind long chapters. This one is the longest yet, and I toyed with the idea of stopping it where the #'s are...but then I kept going. Hope you like it!

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A half hour later the dishes were washed, dried, and put away; and as Gillian folded the towel and laid it on the counter, she identified a tinge of ache lingering in her chest with the knowledge that she'd be going home soon.

With pruned fingers and a wet shirt from not so carefully washing the dishes, Emily announced she was going upstairs to change. "I'll be back down in a minute," she said before dashing up the stairs. Gillian nodded at the girl silently, then looked around the kitchen with a solemn look on her face and pursed lips.

Cal had been once again sitting in the living room, listening to the two chatter about this and that as they made their way through the pile of pots and pans. He couldn't help but noticed a sad undertone to all of Gillian's words despite her efforts to seem unaffected by the day. Seeing her straighten her posture and head his way, he got up from the couch and stood by a nearby wall.

"There you are," she said with a smile that was genuine, and yet incredibly sad. "I was wondering where you'd run off to again."

"How's that?" Cal asked while stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"You've been slinking off all day when you think no one is looking," she flatly stated with a straight face.

"Well, we saw how it went earlier when we were all in the same room together. Just trying to maintain my manhood, you know," he said with a cheeky grin as he rocked back on his heels.

Gillian pursed her lips and gave him a half-smile as she tilted her head to the side. She then quietly said, "I should get going. It's almost 8:30, and I've been here all day." Despite her attempt to hide it, she could feel the sadness rising in her eyes. She looked down at the floor in an effort to guard herself and find some strength.

Cal tipped his head to the side at her words, considering the look that accompanied them. He noticed how she looked away, how she first widened her eyes slightly and then closed them while hoping to mask what she was feeling, and he noticed how she didn't look at him again as she walked toward the door.

Taking her coat from the rack for the second time that evening, she slipped it on and reached for her purse on the floor. It was only when she turned around to say good-bye that she noticed Cal had followed her and was now standing very close to her. She drew her head back and simply looked at him with hollow eyes.

She always thought she was fairly good at hiding things from him when she really wanted to, but that was almost never possible when he was standing so close to her. Not to mention she was tired, which made it that much harder to keep her walls up and keep them strong. She watched as his eyes made their way slowly over her face, and she started to worry that her walls had failed her completely, leaving her vulnerable and emotionally naked. She was certain he could see everything – her fear of going home to an empty house, her anger toward Zoe for ruining what she thought was going to be a great Thanksgiving, her jealousy toward Zoe for how she interacted with him, her desperate longing for a family during the holidays, the ache she felt when he stood this close.

Taking a half step toward her, he laid his hand on her shoulder and allowed it to trail down her arm to just above her elbow, causing Gillian's stomach to flip-flop. He looked in her eyes then gently and quietly said, "You know you're always welcome here, right?"

Feeling her chest ache so much it hurt, Gillian's mind flashed through the events of the day. Cal could see that she'd gone somewhere else for a moment. The look in her eyes had gone from heartbreaking to nostalgic to longing, and he squeezed her arm as his heart rate quickened. She nodded and gave him an unconvincing smile. Not buying that she believed him, Cal tipped his head down while holding her gaze, giving her a serious look. Before either of them could respond again, Emily was bounding down the stairs with a DVD in hand.

Seeing Gillian standing at the door with her coat on, Emily's eyes went wide. "What are you doing?" she asked with concern and a sense of urgency in her voice as she walked up to them.

Gillian turned to her, wide-eyed at Emily's semi-frantic tone. "I was just getting ready to leave?" she said as more of a question than a statement.

"Well first of all, you're standing under the mistletoe with Dad," she stated point-blank as she pointed up. Cal and Gillian both looked at the ceiling where an innocent mistletoe decoration hung, and Cal finally removed his hand from Gillian's arm. "Second," she continued without waiting for any verbal reaction, "We have to watch A Christmas Story. It's tradition! We put up the tree, we eat, and we watch the movie. You helped put up the tree this year so you have to watch the movie." By this time, Emily figured if she just kept talking long enough, Gillian wouldn't be able to object. "You don't have to work tomorrow anyway," she added while pulling Gillian's coat back off her shoulders.

By this time, Gillian was flat out flabbergasted at what was happening. She'd gone from thinking about going home to an empty house, to her heart stopping at Cal's touch, to worried for Emily because of her frantic tone, to utterly confused as to why she was once again being told she couldn't leave! Never mind the fact that she didn't want to leave anyway…

"Dad." Emily said with upward inflection, while rolling her eyes up toward the ceiling again and waiting.

"Oh. Right," he said as he leaned forward and gave Gillian a chaste kiss on the cheek.

Gillian couldn't help feeling disappointed at the quick peck, but before she knew it Emily had taken her by the hand and led her to the couch, adding one last statement. "Sit!"

"Emily, I don't –" Gillian started while shaking her head, but was cut off.

"Gillian," Emily said seriously. "It's not a discussion – it's tradition. Here's some popcorn, now sit. I'll get the movie ready." Emily handed Gillian a large bowl of popcorn that seemed to have magically appeared and gently pushed her down in the middle seat on the couch. Feeling convinced that Gillian was going to stay put, Emily walked to the television to get the movie set up.

Gillian wrapped her arms around the bowl and she slouched over it while she stammered, "Wha..I…Uhm…" She finally sighed as she looked to Cal for help.

Cal simply shrugged at her and said, "She's impossible." He knew he could have gotten her out of watching the movie, but the whole point of Gillian coming to Thanksgiving dinner was to make things better between them; not to send her home feeling sad and alone. He walked to the closet in the hallway, leaving Gillian alone and baffled while hugging the huge bowl of popcorn.

"It's almost ready!" Emily called seeing that her dad had left the room. She sat next to Gillian on the couch, tucked her legs under herself, and settled into the cushions, giving Gillian a bright smile. Gillian smiled back, thinking that Emily was already a master manipulator.

Cal returned shortly and handed Emily a blanket. He smirked at the accepting and yet still-baffled look Gillian had on her face. "Arms up," he said, and placed a blanket over her lower half while she held the bowl of popcorn up in the air. He took the opportunity to trail his eyes down her body, noticing once again that her neckline was dangerously low. He sat on the other side of her and put the last folded blanket on the arm rest, leaning on it with his elbow and resting his head against his open hand. He smiled at her and raised his eyebrows for a second. She couldn't help but return his smile with one of her own.

Cal's look faded from mischievous to pure affection as he looked at her, and Gillian became suddenly thankful for the low glow of the Christmas lights that filled the room since she could feel the color rising in her cheeks. Noticing the bashful way Gillian tore her gaze away from him, he smiled to himself.

He licked his lips then said, "I've been meaning to tell you –"

"It's on!" Emily interrupted. "No talking!" She reached across Gillian's lap for a handful of popcorn as she kept her eyes glued to the tv.

"Later," he whispered.

Gillian nodded in acknowledgement then looked at Emily and smiled, thinking it was quite rare that people enjoyed traditions like these anymore, especially teenagers. She settled back into the couch and reached in the bowl for some popcorn.

###############

As the movie finished an hour and a half later, Emily yawned and announced, "I'm going to bed. Good night, Dad. See you in the morning, Gillian. Oh, and help yourself to my bathroom. Anything you could need is in there," she added as she walked up the stairs.

Gillian was now sitting straight up with a deer-in-the-headlights look on her face. "Uhm, good night. And thank you," she called after her. She looked at Cal with her brow furrowed.

"Guess you're spending the night," he said with an amused look on his face as he once again leaned against the arm rest.

Glancing at the clock and seeing it was only 10 she said, "It's not that late. I can just go home."

"Gillian, it's been snowing for hours. Just stay. Better safe than sorry, and all that. You can take my room if you like," he offered.

Noting that it had indeed been snowing for hours, and seeing that this conversation could take a wrong turn in a hurry she responded, "No, no. That's okay. I'll sleep on the couch."

"Well I wouldn't be in there," Cal responded, amused at her response that contained a clear lack of additional objection at staying the night.

Gillian opened her mouth to attempt a retort, but simply ended up with a funny look on her face.

Cal smirked. "Right. Well unless you like."

"Cal…" Gillian said with warning.

Standing up he said, "I'll get you a pillow."

Gillian remained seated on the couch as he walked away and couldn't believe how tired she felt. _What a roller coaster of a day_, she thought. _I need some chocolate. Which reminds me, I never had dessert! Chocolate pie…_ And with that she got up and headed straight for the chocolate pie she made earlier.

Coming back down the stairs, Cal walked up behind the couch to see it was empty. He laid out a sheet and straightened the blanket Gillian had been using, placing a pillow at one end and a heavier blanket at the other. He stepped back, thinking it wasn't too bad for a makeshift bed. He'd also brought down a sweatshirt and a pair of his comfy pajama pants so she didn't have to sleep in jeans and a sweater, and he set those on the couch as well.

He walked into the kitchen to see her leaning over the counter with what used to be a piece of pie in front of her. He smiled as she looked up with a guilty look and licked her lips.

"You want some?" she inquired before dragging her lips across the fork, licking it clean.

His smile widened with fascination at how slowly she pulled the fork through her lips as he said, "I think I'm good for now." He paused for a moment, and then thinking it was wise to change the subject he added, "I brought you down some clothes to sleep in." He motioned for the couch and she looked over his shoulder.

"Thank you! I'll go get changed," she said as she walked to the couch to grab the clothes. She walked upstairs to the bathroom and upon entering saw that Emily had set out a new toothbrush for her. She smiled and started the process of getting ready for bed. She brushed her teeth, washed her face, and changed into the pajamas, noting they smelled like Cal as she pulled the sweatshirt over her head. A short while later she went back downstairs with her hair pulled into a low ponytail and her make-up removed.

Cal enjoyed the view from the wall he was leaning against as she walked across the room toward the couch. She looked up at him and asked, "What?" as she saw that he was starring at her. He didn't say anything, but just kept enjoying the view, thinking that she looked cute in his over-sized sweatshirt. Gillian simply shook her head and crawled under the covers with her back leaning against the pillow on the arm rest and her legs extended across the couch. As she sat there, she became acutely interested in the edge of the blanket and began examining it in great detail.

Cal removed himself from the wall and headed for the stairs, thinking she was simply ready to go to sleep; but just before he started up them Gillian asked, "What are you afraid of?"

With one hand on the railing and one foot on the bottom step, he looked at her confused and asked, "What?"

She stretched her neck to glance at him for a second over the back of the couch. She returned her gaze to the blanket and continued, "The other day when we were looking at that video, you said you saw fear. I went to your office after that and asked what fear you were talking about." As she paused and received no response from Cal, she looked over the back of the couch again and this time held his gaze. "You were talking about your own fear. So, what are you afraid of?"

Cal slowly removed himself from the stairs and walked around the couch to sit on the edge of it. Gillian folded her legs in front of her so she was sitting tall and in one section of the couch, alert and ready to hear what he had to say. Despite the fact that the rest of the couch was now available, he sat in the same section with the side of his thigh resting against the front of her legs. He put his hand on the back of the couch not far from where her shoulder was and ran his eyes over her face. He couldn't believe it, but he thought she was even more beautiful with Christmas lights highlighting her features. As he looked down at his shirt that she was wearing his stomach flipped, and he looked back up into her eyes and said, "I'm afraid of losing you."

Gillian locked her eyes on him, noticing the way he clenched his fist in his lap, the way his eyes moved slowly across her, the way his eyes seemed much more sad and vulnerable than they had a moment ago. "I'm afraid I've pushed you so far this time," he said as he shook his head to himself while looking at his lap, pausing before looking in her eyes again and continuing, "that you won't come back. I'm afraid that all these _stupid_ little things that I do won't amount to anything. At least not enough of anything to make up for how I've treated you. I'm afraid," he said pausing again, not certain how to say what he wanted to say. "I'm afraid of what my life would be like without you." His worried, vulnerable eyes settled on hers, and he waited. He just waited for her to say something, anything.

Her eyes took in the raw worry etched on his face, her ears had taken in the sadness in his voice, and her body had the need to touch him. She reached out for the fist that was on his lap and felt it relax the moment she laid her hand on it. She pulled his hand to her lap while she looked at it and held it with both hands. Glancing up at him to see his eyes still focused on hers, she raised her face again to look at him and finally spoke. "I wasn't far from walking away from everything. One more good push from you and I would have walked out the door without looking back." She took a deep breath and slowly let it back out, buying herself a little time before continuing. "You've been…really great, these last few days," she said with a nod. "It's like I've been getting a bunch of little Cal Lightman apologies." She smiled as she looked down at their hands tangled together and ran her thumb over the back of his hand. Looking back up into his eyes she said, "I'm not going anywhere. Not right now." It took everything in Cal not to explode and melt into a puddle of relief on the floor. Instead, he simply took in a short breath and sat a little taller. "If you _ever_ treat me like that again though, it won't take much to make me walk away," she said with warning.

"I won't treat you like that again. I promise. At least not in that quantity," he added jokingly. She glared at him and he cleared his face to allow his apology to show though. Looking his face over, she nodded at him, signaling she understood.

He looked at her lovingly, thankful that she understood him so well. He took his hand from hers and laid it on her arm while slightly leaning toward her. Seeing that she responded by leaning into him, he moved his hand to her waist and snaked it around her lower back while taking the other off the back of the couch and throwing it over her shoulder, pulling her into a fierce hug and burying his face in her neck. Gillian laid her hands flat against his back, holding him tightly against her and relishing in the contact that she'd been deprived of so much lately. She took a deep breath and tightened her grip on him, giving him a squeeze before letting go. Feeling her grip loosening, Cal gave her a tender kiss on the cheek and she laid a hand on the side of his face as they pulled apart and stopped inches from each other. He gave her face a once over and settled back on her eyes with a smile. "G'night," he said with his hands resting on her waist.

"Good night, Cal," she quietly responded while running her thumb over his cheek. She leaned forward and gave him a lingering kiss on the opposite cheek. He could feel her warm breath and he swallowed while closing his eyes, willing himself not to tighten his grip on her and reveal how she was affecting him. As she pulled away she said, "I'll see you in the morning."

He took his hands back and stood up to walk toward the stairs. As he started up them he asked, "You sure you don't want to sleep in my bed?"

"Good night, Cal," she again responded, this time more flatly, as she laid down and settled into the couch for the night.

He smiled at her response, satisfied that his attempts at repairing their relationship were successfully pushing them in the right direction, and headed to bed thinking, _Mimosas…_


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: I'm behind where I wanted to be with this story, and as a result this chapter is primarily dialogue driven to move things along. There is a little bit of Christmas madness coming, but obviously it will be coming after Christmas. That being said, let this fuel the Christmas Spirit Cath Cuddy!

* * *

The next morning Gillian awoke to the sun gently streaming in through the front window. She stretched out her body from head to toe and then melted back into the couch, noticing how very quiet the house was and assuming Cal and Emily were still sleeping. She ran her hands over her face and slowly sat up, thinking how incredibly comfortable Cal's clothes were. She smiled and then headed for the kitchen in search of some coffee. She knew exactly where to find it from the occasional late nights working at Cal's where coffee, rather than some amber liquid, was the choice of drink.

Once the coffee was finished brewing, she set her sights on a comfy chair across from the tree. She sat down with a large mug, pulled her knees to her chest, and breathed in the scent of the coffee, noticing that she once again caught a hint of Cal.

###############

Even before he opened his eyes for the first time that morning, it registered that someone was making coffee. Judging by the somewhat early hour, he guessed it was not his teenage daughter. Figuring he'd never go back to sleeping knowing Gillian was sitting downstairs awake, he rolled out of bed.

He made his way down the stairs and smiled at seeing Gillian curled into the chair, snuggled up with his sweatshirt and a big cup of coffee.

###############

Gillian was looking out the window at the snow that was apparently still gently falling from the night before and admiring the white blanket over everything when she heard someone making their way down the stairs. She looked over at him, and couldn't help but smile at his messy hair and the sight of him in his pajamas, clearly still trying to shake himself from the sleep that was clouding his mind.

He stopped at the bottom of the stairs and simply looked at her with the faintest hint of a smile playing at the corners of his lips. It didn't matter that his mind was foggy with sleep, it still registered with him that he was happy to see her; and he swallowed when he realized his heart skipped a beat.

"I made coffee," she said with a brilliant smile.

He smiled back at her, pleased that she made herself at home. "I smell that," he responded.

"I found some creamer in the fridge too," she added. "I hope you don't mind. It's caramel apple!"

He scrunched up his face at the thought of caramel apple coffee. He walked across the room still in a sleepy daze and stopped by her side, stooping down to smell her coffee. He raised his eyebrows and replied, "Not sure that's for me."

With a firm grip on her coffee, she said, "Give it a try. It's good!" To her, this sounded like a clear invitation to pour himself a cup of coffee and add some creamer. To him, however, it apparently sounded like an invitation to try _her_ coffee, because he took the mug from her hands and took a sip, quickly handing it back to her.

"Not bad," was all he said as he walked away. She looked into her mug, amused at what had just happened, and then shrugged and took another sip.

Cal returned shortly and gently flopped on couch with his own mug in hand, leaning significantly to one side. "Much better," he stated after taking a sip and nodding his approval. "Sugar & Spice. Kinda like egg nog… Much like us you think?"

Gillian furrowed her brow. "We're like egg nog?" she inquired.

"Nah, Sugar & Spice," he said with a thicker accent than usual as he worked to rack the sleep from his mind. "You're all sugar. I'm all spice," he added.

She responded by looking at him sideways and saying, "I'm not _all_ sugar."

He smirked at her while looking her over. _Well that'll wake me up_, he thought to himself.

"What?" she asked as she watched his eyes roam her figure that was still confined to the chair.

"You look…cute," he stated.

Gillian looked him over, but his face revealed nothing. _Damn that mask of his_, she thought. "Cute? I look like I just woke up," she said with disbelief.

"Yeah," he responded. "And it's cute on you."

She looked away and nodded with a coy smile on her face.

He continued to look her over, amazed at her lack of awareness when it came to how beautiful she was. "It might be the pajamas," he finally said.

She looked back at him and narrowed her eyes. "I look cute in a sweatshirt and comfy pants? Or I look cute in _your_ sweatshirt and comfy pants?"

He looked her in the eye with a knowing smirk and tipped his head to the opposite side, considering how to answer her question.

Just then, Emily came downstairs. "Good morning!" she greeted them.

While still looking at Gillian, Cal said, "Morning, Em!" After saying it and holding Gillian's gaze for a moment longer, he turned around to look at his daughter who was making her way to the couch. She sat down next to him, already dressed for the day, and he wrapped an arm around her neck, giving her a kiss on her temple.

Gillian raised her chin as she looked at Cal, letting him know he got lucky with Emily's timing. "Good morning, Emily. There's coffee," she added with a smile.

"Awesome!" she stated and jumped up from the couch.

Gillian followed the girl's form with her eyes and waited until she was out of the room. She then focused her sights back on Cal and waited.

"What?" he asked as if he'd forgotten what Gillian just asked him.

She rolled her eyes and looked back at the tree.

Cal smiled to himself and asked, "You about finished with your coffee?"

She glanced in her cup and responded, "I am about empty."

"Good!" he exclaimed. "How 'bout those mimosas?"

Gillian smiled widely and nodded her head in approval. They both got up and headed for the kitchen where Emily was texting with one hand and finishing her coffee with the other.

Cal headed for the refrigerator to get the orange juice and champagne while Gillian stopped next to Emily and said with a smirk, "Your generation amazes me."

"We're an army of multi-taskers!" she quickly responded. "Are you going shopping today?" she asked as she put her phone down and gave Gillian her attention.

"I am! Hopefully what I'm after is still there. I was planning on getting up early, but _someone_ roped me into spending the night," she said teasingly as she nudged her with her shoulder as she said 'someone'.

Emily looked at her with a guilty look and asked, "But you had fun, right?"

"Yes, I did. Thank you for a great day. I had a lot of fun with you," she said quietly as she looked at her lovingly.

Cal had been busying himself getting the mimosas ready when he stopped to watch the last of the exchange between the two females. He couldn't imagine anyone else walking in his home and fitting in so well.

Emily looked up to see her dad watching them and said, "Champagne, huh?" acting as though she didn't know it was in the fridge. Cal gave her a look of warning as his mind flashed back to her asking about it the morning before.

Gillian looked between the two and said, "Yes, champagne. It's necessary for mimosas!" Picking up a glass from the counter, she added, "Try!" as she offered the glass to Emily.

"Gillian!" Cal scolded her with disbelief written all over his face.

"What? She's not going anywhere!" Gillian then quickly pulled the glass back to herself. "Are you?"

"I'm going shopping with Liam, remember? But he's driving!" she said with wide eyes.

Turning back to him, Gillian said, "One sip, Cal. It's not going to kill her!"

"Bloody hell! I can_not _be in the same room with the two of you! You'll drive me mad!"

"I like her better than you anyway," Emily said teasingly.

"You would – she gives you alcohol!" he half-shouted.

"Oh please, Cal. Like you never drank before you were 21? And besides, it's _one sip_! It's not like I bought her a case of beer and set her loose," Gillian said. Then, turning toward Emily she added, "But no driving. I'm serious. I don't care if it's only a sip. There's zero tolerance when it comes to minors drinking and driving."

Emily chuckled to herself and smiled. "Wow, listen to the two of you." She shook her head and then said, "I have to go upstairs and get ready. Liam will be here soon."

Cal heaved a sighed as he watched his daughter run up the stairs.

"She didn't even try it, you know," Gillian stated while looking at him.

"I did notice that. She's a good kid, despite your bad influence," he said as he tipped his head to the side and looked at her.

Gillian gave him a wide smile and said, "Let's make breakfast! You did most of the cooking yesterday. You sit down, and I'll cook for you. Sound good?"

He pulled a stool out from the island and said, "Sounds fantastic. Have at it."

###############

A short while later, they had finished eating and Gillian said, "I should probably get home. I need to get my shopping done before it's too late in the day."

"You really participate in all this Black Friday crap?" Cal scoffed.

"Not usually. There's something I've been looking for for a very long time though, and I finally found it! They're holding it for me, but I have to get it today," she responded, unaffected by his mocking tone.

Cal shook his head at her, and got up to take their dishes to the sink. Just then, there was a knock on the front door.

"You wanna get that please, love?" Cal called as he walked to the sink.

"Sure!" she called to him. She got up and headed for the door. Opening it, she was greeted with your stereotypical jock – muscles, good-looking, and tall. "You must be Liam," she said with a smile.

He narrowed his eyes at her and said, "Uhh… Yeah. Is Emily ready?"

Before she could respond, Emily was by her side. "Hey, Liam! This is Gillian Foster that my dad works with."

"Oh!" he stated as if all the pieces were falling into place for him. "It's nice to meet you Dr. Foster," he said with a smile as he held out his hand.

She shook his hand and said with a smile, "Likewise."

Walking out from the kitchen with a towel over his shoulder, Cal just scowled at the boy in the doorway. Looking back at his daughter he said, "You be careful, Em. And don't be gone all day."

"Ok, dad," was all she said. Turning to Gillian, she smiled widely and while pulling her into a hug said, "I'm so glad you came over yesterday. We should do that every year." Letting go of her, she said, "Bye!" and she was out the door.

Cal tipped his head to the side and looked Gillian over. She looked like she was about to melt into a puddle of mush at Emily's kind words. "I think we should plan this for next year. What do you think?" Cal asked.

She was sure it was silly, but she felt very loved at Emily's words and actions. She really made her feel at home there, and Gillian allowed that feeling to settle into her chest before responding to Cal.

"You want to plan a year in advance? What if you have a girlfriend, Cal? Don't you think that would be a little awkward?" she asked.

What he wanted to say was that he didn't want anyone else there but her. That even if he had a girlfriend, he would break it off before the holidays if he knew he could spend them with her. That she was the reason he didn't have more girlfriends, despite his flings.

Instead, what he gave her was silence.

Observing him, Gillian noticed something unidentifiable flash in his eyes. Knowing better than to ask, she simply said, "I should get going. I'll bring your clothes to you at work. Is that ok?"

"Yeah. Sure," he mumbled.

"Ok," she said while reaching for her coat. "Oh, one more thing – what you were going to say to me last night before the movie."

He smiled at her and silently laughed to himself. He'd almost completely forgotten about that.

Seeing that he was still just looking at her and smiling she said, "Well…"

He walked closer to her so he was just a couple feet away. He looked down at her hands hanging by her sides and considered taking one in his own, but instead he stuffed them in his pockets. He took a deep breath and brought his eyes back to hers. "What I was going to say was," he started as he took one hand back out of his pockets and motioned toward her, "was that you looked…" He paused, searching for the right word, "beautiful yesterday." Seeing that she was about to object, he continued. "Now, before you discount yourself – that's just my opinion, yeah?" he said with a shrug. "'Course I think you look great every day so…" he added on while nervously shaking his head and shoving his hand in his pocket once again.

She felt her breath catch at his statement, and smiled at his nervousness. She then leaned forward and gave him a tentative kiss on the cheek. "Mistletoe," she said reminding him of the decoration. "Are you sure you don't want to go shopping with me?" she asked.

"I'm sure," he stated flatly.

"Ok. Thank you again for yesterday," she said with sincerity.

"You're welcome. And I'll plan on next year if you will," he said with an unsure smile.

Unable to hide her own smile, Gillian licked her lips and said, "I would love that."

She stepped to him and pulled him into a hug, feeling like she already missed him. She closed her eyes as she felt his hand glide from the middle of her back to the curve of her lower back, pressing her against him. She tightened her hold on him and he turned his head toward her, breathing her in and memorizing how it felt to hold her.

A moment later, they separated, said their goodbyes, and Gillian was walking to her car as Cal watched her from the door, each of them feeling an ache in their chest they refused to identify.

* * *

I hope you made it to the end. This chapter is admittedly a little rough, but hopefully it was bearable.

Merry Christmas to all my reviewers and lurkers alike - I appreciate you all. : )


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: I think you'll find this is, at least in some sense, the chapter you've all been waiting for. I wanted to get to the next chapter by Christmas, but that didn't happen. That being said, this chapter took more of a 'fast-track' approach. I think you'll see what I mean...

* * *

Over the next few weeks, Cal and Gillian fell back into their typical rhythm. She bothered him about finances, he told her not to worry about it. He approached cases with recklessness, she told him to be careful. She treated their employees with respect, he acted as though they were disposable. He made life difficult for everyone, she tried to smooth out the ride by being professional to the 't'.

There were a few things that seemed different though, and they both noticed. She still wore her dresses and heels, but she wore them in dangerous combinations that she knew drove him crazy. He still took the opportunity to look her up and down when the opportunity presented itself, but his looks lingered longer than usual and they were less predatory than they typically seemed.

They carried on like this, recognizing but not acknowledging the fresh nuance to their relationship, until one day when Emily showed up at the office.

"Gillian, do you have a minute?" she asked as she poked her head in the door to her office.

"Of course. What's up?" she asked as she leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms casually.

"I need you to come to dad's office. Come on!" she said as she motioned for Gillian to get up and follow her.

"Ok," she said as she got up from her chair and walked toward the door.

"Wow. Those shoes are amazing!" Emily said wide-eyed as she looked at the red Louboutin pumps.

Gillian grinned at her and simply said, "Thank you."

They walked to Cal's office, and upon seeing Liam there as well, Gillian became skeptical about Emily's visit.

"Nice shoes, Dr. Foster," Liam said with acute interest as he checked out her legs.

Gillian shifted her weight and smiled while glancing at Cal who was now glaring at Liam. _I love these shoes,_ she thought as she took in the look on Cal's face.

Emily looked at Liam, a look of disbelief saturating her features at how he was ogling Gillian's legs, and she walked to the other side of her in an attempt to block his view.

"Anyway," Emily started while pulling her gaze from Liam to her dad, "Since I'm leaving for mom's tonight and I'm not going to be here for Christmas, I wanted to give you your present now." Then looking at Gillian, she added, "And I have something for you too, Gillian. It's actually from me and Liam."

She walked over to her dad, who was sitting casually behind his desk with his feet crossed and propped up on it, and handed him an envelope. After seeing that he was still glaring at Liam, who was once again looking at Gillian's legs, she said, "Dad. Open it."

Tearing his eyes away from the testosterone factory, Cal turned his attention to the envelope and started opening it, glancing up at Gillian who was looking at him with a small, knowing smile. Once he looked at the envelope again, she smirked at the effort it took him to focus on his task. She crossed her arms in front of her and leaned against the wall.

"Dinner for one to The 1913 Room," Cal stated while looking at the card. He paused and looked up at Emily as he continued, "Well I see why it's only for one. That's an upscale place, that is."

Emily smiled at him then walked to Gillian with a second envelope in her hand. "Here. Open yours."

Gillian smiled back at her, and then a surprised look took over her face when she saw what was inside. "Uhm – Dinner for one. To The 1913 Room." She looked up from the card at Cal with a small smile on her face. Inside she was debating what to do – hide her excitement from Cal, or thank Emily wildly like she really wanted to. _Damned if I do, damned if I don't,_ she thought. _Damn you for always reading people, Cal._

At that moment, they both looked at Emily and Liam with slightly odd looks on their faces, but said nothing more.

"You're welcome!" Emily said excitedly and with a wide smile to the implied thank you hanging in the air. She gave Gillian a hug and said, "I'll see you at home tonight before I leave, Dad." She then added more flatly, "Come on, Liam," to the boy who was still looking at Gillian's legs.

"Merry Christmas," he said to Gillian with a dumb smile before following Emily out of the office.

Glad that the young ogler was gone, Cal looked at Gillian and raised his eyebrows for a second while tipping his head to the side and checking her out, thinking, _Those shoes _are_ amazing_. "You wanna use these at the same time, then?" he asked.

"I kind of think that was the idea," Gillian stated, still amused that Emily had basically set them up on a date. Not that they'd never gone out to eat together before, but they'd never been anywhere like this.

"We could stick it to 'em by going at different times," he teased.

She pursed her lips at him, but before she could verbally respond Cal had abruptly gotten up and walked over to her, standing extremely close. "Nah, I'd rather use 'em at the same time too," he said while reading her. "I'll make reservations, yeah?" he asked while running his eyes over her collarbone, down her shoulder, then back to her eyes.

She bit her lip while he wasn't looking and simply nodded in response to his question, unable to speak due to the way he looked at her coupled with how close he was standing.

"Any day better for you than others?" he asked amused by her silence.

"No," she finally said, finding her voice despite the fact he had yet to take his eyes off her.

"I'll let you know then," he stated with a small smile.

She nodded and turned to walk away, thankful for the distance between them so she could finally breathe again. Right before walking away, she smiled widely as she could picture him tipping his head deeply to the side as he checked her out. Just because she knew he was watching, she swayed her hips a little more than usual as she walked away.

Cal licked his lips and watched her until she was out of sight, shaking his head to himself as he walked back to his desk.

###############

Later that day, Cal sauntered into Gillian's office and said, "Friday!"

"What about it?" Gillian asked as she finished the file she was working on.

"The 1913 Room. Friday at 7," he said directly

"This Friday?" she asked while closing her file.

"Yeah. You said it didn't matter what day," he replied, reminding her of her earlier statement.

"That's true. But I didn't think you were going to make the reservations for Christmas Eve. I can't believe they're even open," she said as she knit her brow together.

"They close at 10. Do you have plans?" he asked while remaining cool on the outside, despite feeling anxious. He had been looking for a way to spend any part of Christmas with her since Thanksgiving, and Emily's gift was the perfect solution since he hadn't just manned up and asked; but now he was afraid that maybe he'd waited too long.

Gillian looked him over, noticing his eyes seemed a little too eager for her response. The rest of him seemed incredibly relaxed, but he was moving his eyes over her a little too fast, never mind the pulse she could see in his neck that seemed to be significantly quicker than usual.

"No, I don't," she eventually said, noticing that his eyes finally settled back on hers and stopped bouncing around her face. "Christmas Eve will be fine," she added with a smile, excited by the thought that he wanted to spend _that_ evening with her.

"Great!" he said as he turned on his heel and made a b-line for the sanctuary of his office. She smiled after he left and shook her head to herself while thinking, _He's so odd_.

###############

When Gillian arrived to work Friday morning, she made a quick stop at her office then headed straight for Cal's. When he saw her walked in, he leaned back in his chair and cradled his chin in an open palm as he rested his elbow on the armrest of his chair.

"Morning, love," he said as he slightly swiveled back and forth.

"Good morning," she said with a smile. "I was thinking I'd just meet you at your place tonight since it's on the way to the restaurant. Ok?"

"You mean you want to pick me up for our date?" he asked to see how she'd respond.

Raising her chin and keeping her poker face on she said, "No, I'm saying I'll come to you. You can drive."

"Fair enough. Be there around 6:30?" he responded, noticing that she didn't correct him.

"See you then," she said coolly as she turned on her heel and headed back for her office thinking, _Our date. I wonder if he was just looking for a reaction._

###############

Gillian headed home from work with butterflies in her stomach that just wouldn't stop. She tried to calm herself down, but had little success so she busied herself with getting ready for her evening with Cal.

After showering and doing her makeup, she opted to loosely curl her hair, tucking it behind one ear when she was finished. She then walked into her closet and immediately decided on another pair of Louboutin pumps – this time black patent leather peep toes. The dress, on the other hand, was more difficult to choose. After debating between several options, she opted for a simple black dress with a neckline that cut straight across like a strapless dress with cap sleeves. Sliding the dress on, she smoothed it down over her stomach, slipped on her shoes, and looked in the mirror. All week long she'd known exactly what to wear to get Cal's attention, and now that she knew she was going to have it she wasn't sure about her outfit. Turning around to look at her backside and check out her legs, she sighed and turned back around. Deciding the shoes alone were guaranteed to have Cal dropping things just so he could look under the table, she grabbed her clutch and her coat and headed for the door.

Once in the car, a group of butterflies seemed to have taken up residence in her stomach once again. She nervously tapped her foot and bit her lip as she wondered if Cal was really considering this a date. _Damn my inability to emotionally separate myself from situations with him lately_, she thought. Pulling in his driveway and parking, she told herself, _Just follow his lead._

She paused outside his door, pulling her coat tighter as the wind blew, and mentally centered herself. Finally convinced she wasn't going to act like a schoolgirl, she knocked on the door. She could hear Cal coming down the steps and silently cursed her heart for beating faster. As soon as he opened the door, her heart stopped altogether, and a smile spread across her face.

"Wow," she said. "Black tie attire."

"Too much?" he asked as he looked down at his head-to-toe black ensemble with the exception of his white, crisp dress shirt. He fumbled with some buttons as he added, "I don't think they'd let me in wearing jeans."

"No, it's good. You look great," she said as he slid on his jacket, thinking she might just want to stay home all night.

"I hate these things," he said as he straightened his tie. "You should feel special. I don't wear these for just anyone you know." After finally situating himself he took notice of Gillian's outfit. "I look great?" He pulled her jacket open with one hand, checking out her dress and then allowing his eyes to wander to her shoes. "You're stunning," he said with his mouth hanging open as his eyes wandered up to her face. She looked at him coyly and could feel her cheeks reddening. Pulling himself together, he let go of her coat and said, "Shall we?" as he glanced at what little of her neckline he could see.

"Yes!" Gillian responded, quickly turning around to hide her red cheeks.

He smiled at her as she walked away, grabbed a warm coat, and followed her out the door.

###############

Once they arrived at The 1913 Room, they were seated at a small round table. Chandeliers provided low mood lighting and a nice ambiance. Somewhere a string quartet played and the music gracefully floated by them. Looking up at the dark wood beams on the ceiling, Gillian observed it was an old building and she smiled at the character of the décor. She loved restaurants and stores that weren't afraid to remain the same despite everything around them being remodeled. She appreciated the history, and especially the elegance. Cal watched as she looked around and took everything in, thinking she belonged in places like this.

Not long after, a waiter walked up and introduced himself as Josh. After he made several suggestions, they ordered for the evening: a bottle of French white wine, scallops for their appetizer, Arctic Char for dinner for Gillian, and the Beef Filet with Maine Lobster Terrine for Cal. Looking at the dessert menu, Gillian had to look no further than the first item listed. As soon as she saw 'chocolate tower' in the description, she quit reading. Cal had the 1913 Forbidden Apple with chocolate dipped petit pomme and white chocolate sauce.

Somewhere between dinner and dessert, Cal picked up on the song the string quartet was playing and said, "Good song."

Gillian's ear perked, trying to catch the tune. "What is it?" she asked.

"'Everything' by Michael Buble," he responded.

Shaking her head she said, "I don't think I know it."

"Really?" he asked surprised. "It's an excellent song."

"How does it go?" she asked.

Before responding, he looked at her face and thought she'd once again become more beautiful than ever before, causing him to find it difficult to ignore the drumming of his heart in his ears. He leaned on the table so he was closer to her so as not to disturb the people eating around them and cleared his throat. Waiting to get to the right point in the song, Cal quietly sang, "And you play it coy, but it's kinda cute. Ah, when you smile at me you know exactly what you do. Baby, don't pretend that you don't know it's true. Cause you can see it when I look at you."

Listening to Cal sing, Gillian swallowed and her lips parted slightly. She was struggling to find something to say when Josh arrived with their dessert.

"Thank you," Gillian said as she looked at the Milky Way he set in front of her, thanking him not only for the delicious plate in front of her, but for saving her from the silence that she couldn't seem to fill.

All Cal could think was, _of course_. Josh couldn't have had worse timing as far as he was concerned. He sat back up straight as the waiter put his dessert in front of him.

Once Josh walked away, Gillian looked up from her plate and said, "That does sound like a good song."

"It is. You should listen to the rest of it," he casually said, acting as if he weren't disappointed by what had just happened.

"Was that the chorus?" she asked.

"No," was all he said as he gathered a spoonful of his dessert. Looking back up at her and seeing she was waiting for more of an answer than that he said, "He goes on in the chorus to say that the girl he's singing to is his everything."

Gillian sat a little straighter in her chair and scanned Cal's face. Just as she thought she had a grasp on what she was reading he looked down at her plate and said, "That looks good."

They fell back into neutral, easy conversation, and finally decided they were ready to leave. Handing the waiter their gift cards Cal mumbled to Gillian, "I'm not at all convinced that this bill isn't going to show up on my credit card."

Gillian threw her hand over her mouth in an effort to stifle her laughter, earning looks from a few tables nearby. Cal looked at the diners apologetically and she reached across the table to playfully smack his arm saying, "Well you'll have to know if I should thank you or Emily for dinner."

"I'll do that," Cal replied as they stood up to leave.

###############

Arriving back at Cal's house, they were standing by Gillian's car casually discussing the evening when Cal reminded Gillian to listen to 'Everything' all the way through. The conversation came to a standstill as he waited for her to say something in response to his implied subtext from what he sang, his telling her about the chorus, or reminding her about the song.

Gillian could feel the blood pumping through her veins with each beat of her heart that seemed to be pounding harder than usual.

"I will," she said with a smile as she looked in his eyes. There was so much intensity in them that she had to look away.

Taking in a short breath, Cal shoved his hands in his coat pockets and abruptly asked, "Why don't you stay the night?"

Gillian stopped breathing at his question and her eyes snapped back to his. It was one thing for Emily to tell her she was staying. It was another thing altogether for Cal to ask her to stay.

"I don't know…" she responded as she exhaled.

Taking a step toward her and leaving just a few inches between them but keeping his hands to himself, he seriously asked, "Do you have something to go home to?"

Feeling her breathing increasing at a rapid rate she responded on a whisper, "No."

He inched closer to her still, pulled a hand out of his coat pocket, and took her hand. "Stay," was all he said. The word lingered in the air, the steam from his breath serving as a reminder. Gillian looked down at his hand holding hers, and she closed her eyes at the warmth it provided, wondering what kind of warmth his presence could provide to her life if they just tried...

After the only response he received was unsure eyes looking back at him he added, "Emily's room is open. And your sweatshirt and comfy pants just came out of the wash."

"You mean _your _sweatshirt and comfy pants," she corrected him with a nervous laugh.

"Yeah, that's what I said," he responded with a smirk.

She swallowed as he started to walk toward the front door with her hand still in his. Feeling like she should say no but not wanting to, she allowed him to lead her to the door. Unlocking it, he walked in and waited with the door open to see what she was going to do. After telling herself it would be nice to wake up to a house that isn't empty on Christmas, she walked in the door and he closed it behind her. She backed up against the closed door and put her hands in her coat pockets.

Cal walked to the coat rack, hung up his coat, turned around, and considered the place she was standing.

"Are you waitin' on a proper kiss?" he asked.

Completely caught off guard, Gillian raised her eye brows and responded, "Excuse me?"

Cal pursed his lips shortly, glanced up at the ceiling, and then looked back at her.

Gillian became very still as she suddenly remembered the mistletoe she and Cal had discovered on Thanksgiving. She licked her lips as she slowly looked up to the ceiling to see the decoration hanging in the same place. She took in a long, deep breath and slowly released it.

Cal slowly walked to her and stopped a half step away. "This spot's gettin' a lot of action lately," he said jokingly.

Gillian laughed lightly and looked at her shoes as she remembered their two mistletoe kisses. Cal looked at her with her head hanging and carefully considered his next move. He knew her posture meant one of two things in this moment. She either wanted him to stop, or she was just as nervous and unsure as he was.

He just waited, giving her the opportunity to walk away. When she didn't, he slipped a hand inside her coat and laid his hand on her waist, causing her to look up at him, and she couldn't stop herself from looking at his mouth. Noticing this, Cal stepped to her, leaned in, and softly and tenderly pressed his lips against hers, lingering for several moments. Pulling away, he let his lips glide against hers, and he saw her eyes slowly open. He gave her a small smile, that she nervously returned, and he pulled his hand back out from her coat, motioning for her to take it off so he could hang it up.

"I'll, uhm, get your clothes and put 'em on Em's bed," he said as he headed up the stairs.

"Ok," she responded as she headed up the stairs after him, stopping at the bathroom so she could wash her face and brush her teeth. "Good night," she said as he walked in his bed room.

Stopping with his hand on the doorframe, he looked her over from head to toe once more, burning the image in his mind, and said, "Good night, Gillian."

* * *

I promise there won't be a big time jump in the next chapter like there was in this one. : )


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: You guys are probably going to mutiny after this one, but here you go!

* * *

Gillian groggily rolled over in Emily's bed, feeling extremely hot. She looked at the clock and saw it was 5:30. Searching around for the lamp on the end table, she clicked it on and sat up in bed. She set her feet on the floor and noticed a basket of clean clothes near the closet. Getting up she looked for a t-shirt, held one up to herself and said, "I'll never fit into any of her clothes. That girl is _so_ skinny!" Folding it and putting back in the basket, she pushed up the sleeves on her sweatshirt and quietly opened the door. Looking around, her eyes were drawn to the light shinning under Cal's door. She walked toward the door and was putting her ear near it when she heard him clear his throat.

Hearing a light knock on his door, he said, "Come in," as he closed his laptop.

She opened the door and peeked in saying, "Why are you up?"

"I could ask you the same," he responded.

"Yes, but I just woke up because I was hot. It looks like you've been up for a while. Are you working?" she asked with disbelief as she squinted due to her eyes still needing to adjust to the light.

"Just thought of something I had to take care of with that Cruthers case. Done now. Do you need something else to wear?" he asked

"Please! Can I have a t-shirt?" she half-begged.

Climbing out of bed Cal walked to his dresser and pulled out a Chicago Blackhawks t-shirt. "Here you are," he said handing it to her.

Feeling she was so hot she couldn't wait to change, she walked into Cal's bathroom. She rounded the corner of the sink so she was out of sight and pulled the sweatshirt over her head, quickly replacing it with the black t-shirt. Looking in the mirror, she was surprised to see her hair had pretty well held up, but she still wanted to get it off her neck.

Walking back out to the hallway Gillian said, "I'll be right back," and Cal followed her out of the room with his eyes.

Entering Emily's bathroom, she reached in the top drawer for a hair tie and put her hair up, sighing in relief at how much better she felt already. As she re-entered Cal's room where he was now sitting on the bed again, she tucked a stray curl behind her ear.

He smirked and asked, "Better?"

"Much," she replied as she leaned against his dresser across from him.

Looking her over and thinking once again how _damn _cute she was in pajamas, he patted the bed next to him. "Come on, then," he said.

She drew her head back as she looked at him sideways.

"Are you going back to sleep?" he inquired.

"Probably not," she truthfully answered.

"Well neither am I, but I'm not getting out of bed yet, so…" and he patted the bed again.

Walking around to the other side, Gillian paused, causing Cal to reach over and pull the covers back. He was sitting on top of them so Gillian couldn't find anything wrong with getting cozy again now that she wasn't overheated. She climbed in and Cal threw the covers back over her, looking at her with one of _those_ looks that made her melt.

Reaching over to tuck the same curl behind her ear, he gave her a small smile and said, "Merry Christmas, love."

Returning his smile with one of her own that nearly spread from ear to ear she said, "Merry Christmas."

They looked at each other for a moment, both thinking how nice it was to have someone to share the early hours of the holiday with.

Then, grabbing his laptop Cal said, "You mind looking at something for me?"

"Are you serious?" she replied. "I don't want to work on Christmas!"

"It's one thing! Then you can open your present if you like," he said as a sort of deal.

"You got me a present?" she asked surprised as she rolled on her side to face him.

"I did," he replied. "But you can only have it if you help me with this last thing."

"That's just not fair, but fine. Hurry up!" she told him as she propped herself up on one elbow close enough to him so she could see the screen, noting that same Cal scent she'd noticed on his sweatshirt on Thanksgiving.

Pulling back up the case he was working on, he opened an audio file from an interview he'd done with Mr. Cruthers a couple days ago. Cal was pretty sure he was lying, but he was unable to establish a baseline, and he had hoped that Gillian would be able to catch something in his speech patterns that would point him in the right direction. She informed him that Mr. Cruthers actually seemed quite truthful in all areas but one – his ex-wife. She said they should check her out on Monday.

"Sounds good to me. Time for your present!" Cal said, raising his eyebrows as he got out of bed to retrieve the package.

At that moment, Gillian shot out of bed and ran out the door, calling over her shoulder, "Hang on! I'll be right back!"

"What the bloody hell was that about?" Cal said aloud to himself. He then snapped his head toward his doorway and stopped in his tracks when he heard the front door open and close. He stood still in his room, wondering if he'd managed to scare her away. A few moments later, the door opened and closed again and there were feet running up the stairs. Gillian entered his room again trying to catch her breath with a wide smile, excited eyes, and a large flat package wrapped in green paper with a darker green bow on top.

"I got you a present too," she informed him as she held the gift out to him.

Cal reached out to take the package and sat on the end of his bed, looking up at her before taking off the bow. She faced him as she sat next to him with one leg tucked under her and smiled as she eagerly waited for him to see what was inside.

He pulled one corner back and instantly knew what he was looking at. He swiftly but carefully removed the rest of the paper and then his movements stilled and his mouth dropped open.

Gillian bit her lip as she smiled. That was exactly the reaction she was hoping for.

"This is Led Zeppelin's first album – and it's in perfect condition! I've been looking for this for years! Where in the world did you find it?" He excitedly asked as he looked at her.

"That's what I had to get the day after Thanksgiving. It just walked into a record store that I go in now and then. Every time I'm there, I ask if they have it. So when it showed up, the guy who works there called me. And look," she said turning it over. "It's signed."

Cal's eyes looked like they were going to pop out of his head. He gently placed the album on the bed behind them and then pulled her into a hug saying, "You're amazing. Do you have any idea how amazing you are?"

She proudly smiled at him as they pulled apart, pleased that she'd made him so happy. "I knew it would be the perfect present," she said.

"It is. And I think I got the perfect present for you," he said as he got up and pulled a medium-sized box from his dresser and handed it to her.

"Oh my gosh!" she said as she felt the weight of it. "This is heavy!" She peeled the paper back as Cal eagerly watched, still standing. Just before opening the box, she looked up at him to see him looking very seriously at it. She eased the top off, pulled back the tissue paper, gasped and put her hand over her mouth.

"Cal," was all she could say for the longest time, finding herself speechless. "I've been looking for this since…" she trailed off.

"Since you're first year of grad school. I know," he said quietly, completing her sentence.

She was awe-struck by the book in the box. Opening the front cover, she trailed her fingers over the title page that read _Grundzüge der physiologischen Psychologie _by Wilhelm Wundt.

"This is the first psychology book ever written! And you found me a copy. Thank you so much," she said as she looked up at him with eyes that were nearly brimming with tears. She sat the book next to the Zeppelin album and stood to give him a hug, wrapping her arms around his neck. Putting his arms around her, he pulled her into him and held her tightly, relieved that she appreciated it as much as he'd hoped she would.

As she pulled away from him, he slid his hands to her waist and she placed her hands on his shoulders. She shook her head in disbelief that she actually owned a copy of the book she'd been searching for since she was in her early twenties. Her mind wandered to past Christmases and she tried to think of a time anyone had given her a more meaningful gift. Sure, there was jewelry from Alec and a new car one year from her parents, but no one had ever given her such a personal gift before. No one had put that much thought into anything in her life, ever.

Her face must have gone sad at her epiphany because Cal gave her waist a light squeeze and he looked a little concerned when she re-focused on him.

"You sure you like your gift?" he asked her.

"I love it," she said sincerely with a smile. She noticed a familiar ache settling in her chest as the words left her lips. There was also a warmth there as well though, and she thought it was funny that one person could cause both things at the same time. She licked her lips and then added, "But there was something else I wanted," with a teasing look in her eyes.

Cal dropped his hands from her waist and she took her hands back too as Cal considered what she might have wanted. Playfully he said, "Let me guess – a slushie machine, a year's worth of chocolate, and a library full of romance novels."

Smiling, she shook her head and said, "You'd never guess it."

"Bet I can," he challenged. "A new car."

"Nope," she responded.

"Bigger or smaller?" he asked as he raised his eyebrows in question.

"Really, Cal?" she asked, not believing he wanted to go this route.

"Yeah," he responded. "Bigger or smaller?"

Heaving a sigh she replied, "Smaller."

Waggling his eyebrows he tried again. "New smelly candles."

"Bigger," she replied.

Wrinkling his nose in thought, he waved his hand around and said, "Some kitchen thing for baking your chocolate cakes."

"Bigger," she again replied.

Narrowing his eyes at her he said, "Gimme a hint."

She looked him over considering what kind of a hint she should give him. "It's here," she told him.

"In my house?" he asked surprised.

She simply nodded at him.

"It's something of mine?" he asked for clarification.

Again, she nodded at him.

He looked around thinking of what it could be, then remembering the morning after Thanksgiving he jokingly said, "My comfy chair you like so much?"

Gillian scrunched up her face, unsure how to respond. "Bigger?" she said with a very unsure tone.

"You don't know?" Cal asked.

"Well, it's a different shape," she defended herself.

Looking at her thoughtfully he asked, "What shape is it?"

"That would give it away," she responded.

"Is it wider?" he asked after some consideration.

"No."

"Taller?"

"Yes."

He looked around the room again feeling very confused. "Gimme another hint," he requested.

She thought for a moment while pursing her lips. She knew this was the point of no return. She either needed to deviate from her plan and make the whole thing into a joke or commit to it fully.

"It's in this room," she finally stated after deciding to commit. Watching his face very carefully, she could see the wheels turning in his mind.

He couldn't for the life of him think of what she would want that was in his bedroom. Watching her for a moment, he closed the gap between them and looked her over for a clue to what she wanted. Noticing that she swallowed and seemed quite nervous now that he'd approached her, he narrowed his eyes, having an idea of what she was referring to. Stepping closer to her still in an effort to test his theory, he left mere inches between them; and her obvious effort to control her breathing answered his question.

Locking eyes with her, he half-whispered, "Tell me." Without breaking eye contact, he watched every inch of her, every twitch, every breath, every movement; and as each second passed that she didn't respond his heart beat faster. He slightly moved his head to encourage her to talk. The hope that was swelling inside him was getting to be too much; and if he was wrong… Well, he didn't want to think about that.

Her heart was beating so wildly that she could feel it in her ears, and she wished he would back up just one step so she had room to breathe. She knew if she stepped away he would read into it, so she stayed put, despite how hard the adrenaline pumping through her body made that. Reminding herself that she chose to go down this road, she choked out her response that was almost inaudible.

"You."

* * *

Please don't kill me! I have the next chapter almost finished so I won't keep you waiting long - I promise! This just felt like a proper stopping point, and if I'd included the next chapter here like I intended it would have been waaay too long. Love to you all! (lol!)


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: This is the last chapter of this fic! I hope you've all enjoyed the ride. Thank you for reading, and especially thank you for reviewing! A special thank you to Dr. Callian who always keeps my on my toes and pushes me to find the killer lines in me. ; )

***Make sure you read my note at the end. : ) Happy New Year!

* * *

Cal stood there, not sure he'd heard her correctly. _Did she say what I think she said?_, he wondered as he continued to look her over, not daring to allow anymore hope in until he was certain. Her response was so quiet that he wanted to be absolutely sure before he went any further.

Not getting an immediate response from him, Gillian looked down at the floor to hide the blush she could feel rising in her cheeks, feeling instantly foolish for leading him down the path he'd so blindly followed her down. Her mind started to reel and spin as she tried to think of ways to back out of what she'd just confessed, her heart beating faster and faster with fear of how this was going to affect _everything_ between them.

Suddenly alarmed by her closed off posture, he touched her cheek gently with his thumb, causing her to quickly look back up at him and instantly shut down due to embarrassment. He slid his fingers along the side of her neck and laid his hand flat on her, with his thumb on her cheek and his fingers curling around her neck. He knit his brow together at the lack of emotion on her face and thought perhaps he had heard her wrong.

Her stomach flipped as he moved his thumb over her skin, and it took everything in her not to react. She wanted to react, desperately. She wanted to kiss him and tell him she wanted him so bad it hurt, that it was torture when he was so close and she couldn't have him; but she knew he was reading her every move, and not knowing what he was thinking or feeling made her try her best to shut down. She wished that for once he would just drop that _damn_ mask for more than a few seconds.

He looked in her eyes and saw nothing change. _Just blank_, he thought. Desperately wanting her to open up so he could know what she was thinking, he raised his second hand and mirrored the posture of the first, stepping toward her. With the added contact, Gillian couldn't stop herself. She inhaled sharply through parted lips and her eyes slightly rolled back as she tried to control the exhale. So much emotion flooded over her face it was as if she was being brought back to life. _There you are_, Cal thought to himself, and gave her a small smile.

With his smile, Gillian noticed his face softened and she couldn't believe her eyes, but it seemed his mask had all but disappeared. She raised one of her hands and wrapped it around his wrist, causing him to spread out his fingers on her neck. Feeling his hand move against her, she involuntarily tipped her head to the side giving his hand more space, dying to feel more of him. Dropping the opposite hand, he trailed his thumb across her chin, barely skimming her bottom lip, then sliding his hand down the front of her throat to her collarbone, and continuing to her shoulder as far as the collar of the t-shirt would stretch. Noticing there was nothing hindering him, like a bra strap, he tipped his head to the side and looked up in her eyes with approval and some surprise. Thinking back to the night before he realized she couldn't have worn a bra with that dress, and his approval multiplied as he licked his lips.

She was mesmerized by the look in his eyes. His hunger for her was evident, but he didn't look like he was ready to devour her like usual. His eyes were loving and passionate and desperate. And in that moment, it was as if nothing existed beyond them. There were no cases to solve, no faces to read, no speech patterns to pull apart; no right or wrong, or true or false; no one to fix or help. There was just him and her. And neither could get enough of the other.

He was captivated with every part of her and soaking in every inch he touched. Trailing his hand down her arm, he placed it on her hip, lightly squeezing before snaking it around her back. He pulled her close as he breathed her in and she could look at nothing but his lips. His eyes, his lips. His eyes, his lips. His eyes, so full of desire and something else she hadn't seen in so long, and his lips…

He shuffled his feet toward her, pressing his body fully against hers and feeling like if he wasn't close enough to her, his chest would cave in and collapse. She raised a hand to run it through his hair causing his eyes to roll back and close. She bit her lip and smiled slightly at him as he opened them again, loving the control she was learning she had over him. He was under a spell. He knew it, he knew that she knew it, and he didn't care.

He focused his sights on her mouth and leaned in. She did the same, and finally, _finally_ they connected. She kissed him with all the passion she had flowing through her body, reflecting all the unhindered passion she could see in his eyes, and he kissed her with all of the fierce, unnamed emotion that was pumping through his veins. It was slow, almost painfully so, but they both wanted to savor the moment and take it in. She dragged her fingers through his hair; and his hands inched up and down her back, occasionally creeping inside her t-shirt and gliding along her soft skin. He focused on her reaction each time, not wanting to venture where not allowed.

Finally feeling he wasn't going to get a negative response, he purposely slid his hand inside her shirt, laying it flat on her lower back. She sighed against him at the contact, pulling away from their kiss, and leaned her forehead against his, telling him silently how badly she wanted him. Looking in her eyes, he moved his hand along her skin and slid his other hand inside her shirt to her bare hip. Dragging his first hand back to her hip as well, he ran both up her body, curling his fingers around her back just in time to skirt around her breasts, and brought them back to her hips.

With his hands firmly in place, he backed her up to the edge of the bed and kissed her again, tangling his fingers in her hair and feeling her hands on his chest. He reached back down for the hem of her shirt and she lifted her arms above her head as he pulled it up, wondering if he could actually see her heart beating in her chest. As he threw the shirt on the floor, she wiggled out of her pants and sat on the edge of the bed in just her underwear. Cal quickly pulled his shirt off and threw it on the floor behind them. His breath hitched when he felt Gillian brush against Cal Jr. as she untied his pants and pulled them down. She grinned up at him seeing the twitch ripple through his body, and he responded by leaning into her and guiding her back down on the bed. He tangled his hand in her hair again, gently turning her head to the side so he could kiss her neck. Holding himself up on one arm and half on her, he leaned down and dragged his lips from her shoulder to her jaw bone.

Feeling his hot breath on her skin did nothing to quell her desire. She slid her arms around him and raked her nails down his back, earning a groan from him that landed right in her ear. She lightly laughed at his reaction and ran her foot up his leg, aching to feel more of him. Repositioning himself, he rolled off her, took her lips again, and reached for her panties and pulled them down as far as he could. Finding his reach to be insufficient, he broke away from her and scooted off the bed. He laid his hands on her hips and dragged them down, taking in every inch of her long, smooth legs. When he reached her panties somewhere near her knees he continued down her legs, taking them along for the ride. Once he reached her feet he threw them on the floor, gently letting go of her feet and taking in the sight.

He never really thought he'd ever be lucky enough to have Gillian Foster in his bed. He was damn certain that he'd never have her in his bed when it was her idea; and yet here she was, laying completely naked in front on him. Seeing some insecurity rising in her face he said, "You…are the most amazing thing I've ever seen. You're striking."

Blushing and noticing just how naked she really was, she replied, "Stop starring Cal."

"I'm not starring-" he started before he was cutoff.

"You are," she immediately countered, feeling extremely vulnerable.

Quickly taking his boxers off and throwing them somewhere over his shoulder, he dove back on the bed, hovering over her on all fours and said, "Sorry. I just like what I see."

She only swallowed at his response. She'd had plenty of men express how attractive she was, but somehow it was different coming from _him_. There was something hidden inside her that stirred when he looked at her like he was right now and when he used words like 'striking' and 'stunning' when referring to her.

Seeing she'd retreated back into herself again, Cal lowered himself on top of her to bring her back. Gillian immediately snapped back and bit her lip and whimpered when she felt him pressed against her thigh. Wanting him inside her, she wrapped her legs around his waist and gave him an affirming look to the question on his face. He was surprised at the lack of foreplay, but feeling quite impatient himself, he obliged and guided himself to her opening and slowly thrust inside. Gillian's hands instantly found his back and her fingers curled into his skin. Cal mumbled a muffled, "Oh fuck," at her tightness and wondered how he was going to make this last any amount of time at all. Pausing for a moment and breathing heavily, he buried his face in her neck and stayed very, very still so as to minimize any additional sensation.

Gillian brought her hands to the base of his neck and brought his head up so she could see his face.

"You ok?" she asked, half-concerned, half-amused at his reaction.

"I'm good," he grunted unconvincingly.

Smiling, she moved below him. He groaned at the feeling, but clearly got the message and finally started moving again, causing Gillian to moan faintly in approval. Finally pulling himself together, he established a rhythm and had her writhing below him in pleasure.

Not long later, he felt her walls closing around him as her arms did the same and with one more thrust she was crying out his name and her walls clenched around him milking him as his orgasm pulsed through him. He collapsed on her, thankful for her quick release and relieved that he didn't finish alone as he laid his head on her chest, feeling it rise and fall as she attempted to catch her breath.

She looked down at his head laying on her and closed her eyes when she felt him drape an arm over her stomach. She raised a hand to run over the side of his face, trying to memorize the moment because she wasn't sure it was real. When he turned toward her, she kept her hand on his face as she looked him over.

He smirked at her and said, "Now let me ask you again: You sure you like your gift?"

Taking her hand back she said, "Oh yes. I'm quite pleased with both."

"Oh yeah?" he replied, feeling quite proud of himself.

"Mmm hmm," she replied as she reached for the edge of the comforter to throw over her self. Pulling it around her shoulders she brought it up to her nose and took a deep breath.

"What's that then?" Cal asked confused by the intoxicated look on her face.

Letting the look fade from her features, she tucked the comforter under her chin and said with a smile, "It smells like you."

His tipped his head to the side in thought as she sunk further into his bed. Seeing it was only 7, he settled in next to her and pulled the covers up over himself as well. She scooted toward him when he put his arm out and invited her to move closer with a jerk of his head. She happily obliged and laid her head on his shoulder, thinking she could get used to mornings like this.

A short while later he said, "I've gotta ask…" and paused as he waited for Gillian's attention. As she looked up at him he continued with a waggle of his eyebrows, "How many points did that get me?"

Propping herself up on one arm she replied, "Are you seriously still thinking about points?"

"Well you haven't told me I don't have to worry about them anymore," he defended himself.

"I'll make you a deal," she replied. "You make me waffles, and you don't have to worry about points anymore."

"Now?" he asked. She nodded at him and he said, "What are we waiting for? Up and out of bed!" and he threw the covers off them and jumped out of bed.

"Cal!" she yelled. "It's cold! Can you at least hand me my clothes, please?"

He leaned on the bed near her and asked, "What? You're not into cooking in the nude?"

Failing to hide a smile, she grabbed his face and planted a sensual kiss on his lips saying, "Not today."

"Alright then," he said surprised that she didn't give him a flat out no. He threw her clothes at her and found his own, taking her hand as she crawled out of bed. He held her hand all the way to the kitchen, causing her to smile sweetly as she walked behind him.

Catching her smile as he let go of her he asked, "What?"

"Nothing. I'm just excited about waffles," she lied, loving his sweet gesture all too much.

"Oh yeah? Well I'll make you waffles every day if they'll make you smile like that," he replied. "I quite like that look on you."

"Every day?" she asked.

"_Every_ day," he confirmed as he turned to start making breakfast.

###############

As they were cleaning up the dishes from breakfast, Cal's cell phone rang.

"It's Em," he said before picking it up.

"Merry Christmas, Em," he greeted her.

"Merry Christmas, Dad! Are you doing your typical Christmas routine? Up early in the morning to work and treating it like it's no different than any other day of the year?" she asked.

"As a matter of fact," he started, acting as though he was going to tell her she was wrong, "yes."

She laughed at him through the phone and said, "You're so predictable. So did you and Gillian use your Christmas gifts yet?"

"Yeah, we did actually," he said glancing over at Gillian, "We had a great time too."

"I'm glad," she said with a smile. "Can I talk to her?"

"Beg your pardon?" he asked, wondering why his daughter assumed Gillian was there.

"Gillian," Emily stated. "Can I talk to her?"

"Why do you assume she's here?" he asked locking eyes with Gillian who now had surprise plastered on her face.

"Because she is. Just let me talk to her. If you don't, I'll just call her phone," she threatened.

"It's for you," he said to Gillian, giving up the fight knowing it was futile.

Swallowing and slowly bringing it to her ear she said, "Hello?"

"Hi, Gillian. Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas to you too, Emily. Thank you again for the gift. It was very thoughtful, and that was a very nice restaurant."

"You'd never been there?" Emily asked.

"No, that was the first time," she confirmed.

"Well good. I hope you had a good sleepover too," Emily said in teasing.

"We did," Gillian said, not sure how to respond. "I hope you don't mind, but your bed looked more comfortable than the couch," she added, earning a lop-sided grin from Cal.

"Sure it was…" Emily stated. "I have to go. I just wanted to call and wish you both a Merry Christmas. So I'll see you when I get home?"

"When are you coming home?" she asked while wondering how long Emily thought she was going to be there.

"Later tonight," she said. "Were you planning on leaving early?"

"I hadn't really thought about it," she replied, thinking that she had no intention of spending the night last night in the first place.

"Well, it would be nice to see you, and I'm sure Dad would like the company. But if you're not there, Merry Christmas again."

"You too, Emily. I'll talk to you later," she said as she hung up the phone.

Cal could see she was deep in thought and asked, "What did she say?"

"She assumed I would be here tonight when she got home," Gillian truthfully said. "And she didn't believe me that I slept in her room," she added as she pulled her lips into a thin line.

"Teenagers, you know," he said as he walked to her and put his hands on her hips. Her stomach flipped again, still not used to the contact. "So are you staying?" he asked, hoping she wasn't planning on leaving early.

Looking slightly down and playing with her hands, she replied with hesitation, "Like I told her, I hadn't really thought about it. I wasn't planning on a sleepover last night, let alone being here today." Seeing sadness playing at the corners of his eyes and his mask threatening to come back, she raised her chin and said, "But, unless you're planning on kicking me out, I would like to see her." She saw the sadness fleeting from his eyes, but his mask was still lingering so she laid her hands on his chest and added, "And I wouldn't mind spending the day with you either, as long as you didn't have any other plans for Christmas."

"Darling, I can't think of anything else I'd rather do," he replied truthfully with a smile. As he looked in her eyes he realized that for the first time in a long time, he felt safe - like he wasn't required to keep his mask on; like it was okay to be himself; like the person in front of him wasn't going to run away if he let his real colors show, regardless of how dark and ugly they might be; like maybe he could at least think about breaking his heart out of the thick shell it was encased in. People always thought of him as a bastard, but what they didn't know was that he was just protecting himself. Maybe he didn't need to do that with her anymore.

Seeing his mask leave his face again, she smiled back at him; and then she saw something else. His face went from unveiled, to honest, to vulnerable; and she could see the evidence of how much keeping his mask on affected him. He looked tired and worn; but beyond his face his eyes looked genuinely happy, something she hadn't seen from him in a long time. She silently told him she understood and brought a hand to his face before pulling him into a hug. Feeling him desperately cling to her, she tightened her grip on him and smiled; and she thought this was going to be the best Christmas she'd had in a long time.

* * *

And that's it! I hope the ending was sufficient. I'm generally very terrible at wrapping up stories.

Here's the note I wanted you to pay attention to: I have an idea for an extension of this storyline that I'll be writing as a separate fic and calling "I Need To Know Too". Get it? Too...Two. Yeah, you all get it. Anyway, keep your eyes open for that. If you are interested in that and you plan on reading it whenever it gets posted - what's your preference on chapter length? It really varied a lot in this fic and left me wondering what you all prefer. So let me know if you have a preference, and hopefully I'll see you all at the next fic!


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